Life Lately...

     So for those of you who read my blog regularly, you've noticed that I've been posting a bunch of random short snippets of stuff lately.  For instance, I've been posting about Fleet Foxes, and how I wish they would come out with some new stuff already, and I'm always posting songs of the day.  And not a whole lot beyond that.  There's a reason... actually, there are many reasons, starting with: I'm losing my mind.

#1.  I'm in Hermeneutics this semester.  What is that?  It's pronounced: Herm-en-oot-ics and it's the principles of Biblical Interpretation.  What's the purpose of the class?  You can't just interpret the Bible however you want, there's an actual meaning and purpose intended for each passage that are meant to be interpreted exactly how the author intended.  Studying the hermeneutical part of Scripture helps to determine what Scripture is actually saying, not just what we want it to say.  There's a lot of effort that needs to be put into interpreting the Bible the way it was meant to be interpreted.  I spent easily over 30 hours working on my Herm mid-term these past few weeks.  I was in the library every minute it was open while I wasn't working or in class.  Now that it's all over, I have to start working on the Final.  I'm ready for school to be done... It's all I've been able to do to post a song of the day a few times a week.

Blogging is one of my biggest stress outlets.  I love blogging.  I love the blogger world.  I feel better after posting something on my blog.  Even if I can only post something small and menial, I have posted something: stress relieves a little.

#2.  I've been struggling on my own internally.  There are a few things inside that I brought into this semester.  Personal struggles have been casting a shadow over my life, it seems.  I feel so disconnected from everything and everyone around me.  I feel alone.  I haven't been pursuing God like I've been needing to.  I've been so caught up in school requirements that I haven't made a lot of time for friends.  Thankfully, God has been gracious with our marriage, even in this time, as Frank and I have been able to keep our marriage a priority in all the craziness.  Anyways, I just feel alone right now... I have nothing to really talk about.  I'm trying to keep myself interested in things I like doing (like blogging) by consistently pursuing those things.  Why am I doing this? (See #3.)

#3.  In high school I suffered from severe depression.  Lots of people suffer from depression.  The thing about depression is: it can come back - especially once you've experienced it for long enough.  I have recurring, or chronic, depressive bouts.  I slip in and out of depression regularly; anything can trigger it for me, really.  I've had enough fight with depression to know when I'm starting to go downward, and I know how to catch myself from getting too severe.  Even though I haven't been posting anything of real substance lately, I have been making myself do something that I enjoy, that makes me feel better, and that's why my posts have been so short and possibly boring to some people.  There are two kinds of people who suffer from depression: the ones who give in, and the ones who know they can fight it.  I try always to be the latter; I am strong enough to fight it.  I have God ;)

So in all, right now, I have been ...feeling alone, I guess.  From having constant work to do, from being exhausted from school and work, and housework, I haven't done a good job with pursuing God first, and pursuing people as I would want them to pursue me, and I've been fighting off depression again.  If you want to pray for me, you can pray for me in these ways:

#1.  I keep up my energy as I tackle the Final for Herm, all while studying for every exam in between for my other classes.  It has been by God's grace that I have been able to keep on top of everything.

#2.  Pray for the [un-named] struggles I'm dealing with right now.  The enemy is really trying to use these struggles to his advantage right now.  I need to know in my heart that God is sufficient for the needs I feel I'm lacking.  I can't rely on human beings to fill the needs that only God can fill.

#3.  God supplies me with the strength I need to handle my constant fight with depression.  I'm not always depressed, but it visits me regularly, and I always need to be on guard.  God is good.

#4.  I pursue God more vigorously than I have been in a while.  I know He's there, and He's always there for me - even when I'm not pursuing Him.  He is worthy of my time, love, affection, and everything I have to offer, and more.  I need to re-connect with Him again.

#5.  Our marriage.  We are actually really growing a lot together through this time, and the impact life has had on our marriage has actually been positive.  Praise God for this!  But also ask that God continue to protect our marriage from the enemy, and rather continue growing it to be more and more for His glory.

Thanks for checking in with me, those of you who have read.  I really appreciate your prayers and love.  And always remember: if you need prayer for anything or need someone to talk to: please message me privately, send me a text, send a messenger pigeon.  Please know that you can trust me - I want to share your burden, too (Galatians 6:2).

Jessica

I Am Thankful for My Church

    First, I would like to say that I am more so thankful for the Church (big "C") around the world that follows the true and inerrant teachings of Christ, teachings that have not been blemished to fit our own wants and needs, and the truth goes into the world with salt.  For the Church, I am thankful.

    Growing up in South Carolina, I went to an amazing church that really helped to ground me in my faith and walk with God.  I love that church, and they are so dear to me, and when I'm back home, I still visit.  The people from that church are special to me and I love them, and I got my first experience in ministry from them.  I had mentors there and I had great memories, and met one of my best friends.  I love that church.  Such was true when I first came to college; however, I wasn't sure how I was going to find a home-church in Columbia like the one I had at home.  Of course, I could never replace that original home church, but I definitely needed somewhere to make roots and grow from while I was away.

    At first, I had troubles fitting in to some of the churches around Columbia that I was checking out.  Something just didn't seem to settle for me.  Either I didn't feel welcome, I didn't feel comfortable, I didn't feel like anything was being poured in to me, I didn't feel growth, or something along those lines.  In each of those churches, I was able to step and recognize how others were growing, so I knew that weren't  bad churches or something, they just weren't meant for me.  I found a church that I thought suited me, but the longer I went there, the lonelier I felt.  I couldn't seem to find a place to come back from not feeling drained.  I made a list of churches to visit around the Columbia area, and I decided that I wasn't going to return to the church I had found for a short while.  I don't think anybody really noticed...  I started with the first church on my list since a girl across the hall from me also went to this church.  I wasn't sure what to expect, I knew I was taking a step out of my comfort zone with this one.  It's a big roughly 1000+ member church that plays contemporary worship music for the service.  However, when I went to this church, I had never felt more welcomed at a single place in my life.  I felt the presence of God all over, and I learned so much more from that one expository teaching of the Bible than I felt I had learned in that whole semester of Bible college.  I felt at home, just like I did before I left for school.  This was home.  What church is this?

Calvary Chapel Lexington

I have been going there now for about 3 years, Frank started attending there while I was back home two school years ago, and it's the church we got married in!  Here are 7 things, of the many, about my church that make me so thankful for them:

#1.  The Pastor

Pastor John Hoppe and his wife are simply amazing people.  I am thankful for their guidance and wisdom in our church family.  Pastor John uses the expository method to teach the Bible.  I'm thankful for this because he does not sugar-coat anything.  He tells exactly what's in the Bible, gives the context (doesn't take it out of context) and then explains it in terms that people of our culture could understand.  It's wonderful.  Although I get a lot of this teaching from school already, I somehow grow so much more in my understanding at church!  I am so thankful for the team he and Miss Heidi make to lead our church, under the guidance of Christ.

#2. The Welcoming

During our first semester as a married couple, Frank and I decided to try and start plugging into the church a little more and get to know some more people. We signed up for a ministry Calvary has on Sunday mornings called "First Touch".  The purpose of First Touch is to welcome people on their way into church, give them a genuine smile, maybe introduce ourselves, answer questions if they have any, and just love the people coming and going from the service.  That's one of the things that really drew me to Calvary: all the welcoming people who are there.  I am so thankful for such a loving community in my church.

#3.  Life Groups

Another way our church encourages community and fellowship is through something called Life Groups.  Since we don't have Sunday school classes between services, we meet in groups during the week and fellowship and discuss the Sunday sermon, and other spiritual matters.  We help each other grow and we get to know that we're not alone in the church when we're there on Sunday.  I am so thankful for this; in the Life Groups I have been a part of, time together has been so edifying and I loved communing with fellow believers outside of the church environment.  I am so thankful for Life Groups.

#4.  Women's Bible Study

Women's Bible Study has been such a blessing in itself.  I have never been a part of a women's Bible study before and I wasn't sure what to expect in going to one.  Well my friend and I have been going for the past few weeks and overall, we have really loved being there.  Even in these few weeks we've been meeting, I have felt so encouraged by ladies who come from backgrounds like mine, they have been so uplifting as I've slowly started to share bits and pieces of myself, and they've prayed for me too.  I have loved getting know the ladies in the women's Bible study at church, and I am so thankful that the ministry to women exists; I never knew what it would be all about, but now, I understand.  I am so thankful for the ministry and for all the ladies involved in it.

#5.  U-Turn for Christ

U-Turn for Christ is a ministry that the Calvary Chapel movement does all over the country.  There's a U-Turn campus stationed at Calvary in Lexington.  What is it?  U-Turn for Christ is a ministry that reaches out to addicts of all kinds by taking them in, helping them detox, and training them in the way of God's truth and love.  While they're in the program, they do service around the church, attend every church service and Bible study and they receive personal counseling to help them work through things of their past.  All the while, they are encouraged to learn and grow towards their Creator.  I am so thankful for this ministry!  There have been so many good, good-hearted people who have come through that program and are making such great differences in the world for Christ now!  And I am so thankful for the people I know who have come through that ministry, and who are now serving as Christ-lovers in our church!

#6.  Auto Mechanic Service

I did not know this little ministry existed until recently.  Calvary Chapel has on-campus auto mechanic maintenance offered to the staff and congregation of the church.  How did I find this out?  Our car died this week :(  We just got the oil changed and they told us it would be a good idea to get a new battery soon.  When it wouldn't start the other day, we figured it was the battery.  Well this morning Frank texted the youth pastor, Oakley, asking for some prayer for provision since our car died.  Oakley then called me asking where the car was and what we thought was wrong with it.  I said it was the battery, and he said that he and the mechanic there would come and see what they can do with the car.  Wow!  When they got here, the mechanic, Timmy, realized a few things: the battery was loose, there was a rat's nest in the engine block (no rats; it wasn't from us in the time we've had with it - we've only had it since May.), and the fuel pump was out of order.  There wasn't any pressure on the fuel thingy anymore!  Timmy told me of some things he would be able to do to help me, in labor and financially.  I'm so thankful for the service he and the others provide, and for the integrity they show in their work.

#7.  Youth Ministry

The Youth Ministry program is where I first got plugged in to Calvary.  I went to the youth group on Wednesday night for an assignment given to me in one of my Youth ministry major courses.  I was a little skeptical going there because it was an entirely different atmosphere than what I was used to.  But after witnessing the fellowship of all the students, and talking with the youth pastor, Oakley, I noticed a completely different light of God shining through here that I hadn't seen anywhere else.  Now, students from all over Lexington are bringing that light of Christ into their schools on their own, wanting their peers to know the love of God like they do.  I am so thankful for the work God is doing in the Youth Ministry, and the work He is doing through  the youth of Calvary!

I don't want to lose focus of my true love by simply saying, "I love my church!" The fact is, I love God and love all the work He is doing, and I love that He has blessed the ministry of the Church globally!  The congregation I attend is only one small part of this kingdom God is building for His glory, but I can see what He is doing in this community through our little vessel of believers.  I am so thankful to call Calvary my church-home!  Praise God!!!

If you're ever in the Columbia area and need some fellowship or communion, stop by 1156 Barr Rd.!  We are a big family, each member having problems, and every other member waiting to help.

To learn more about our congregation, visit cclexington.org/!

Although I began typing this blog post before October 3, 2013, I want to dedicate its contents to Pastor Chuck Smith, founder of the Calvary Chapel movement, who passed from earth to heaven on October 3, 2013.  His ministry began with hippies in the 60's out in California, and has grown into 1600 churches worldwide by the grace and power of God.  He has revolutionized seeker-sensitive worship and has heavily impacted the expository teaching style in church.  All because of the work God has done in and through him.  He is gone from the world, dead in flesh, but more alive in Christ than he ever was here.

*I do not own any photos in this post.  All credits go to cclexington.org

{thank you}

I just wanted to thank all of my beloved friends and family for being there for me, and for us, through the good and the bad, the serious and the menial.  It means a lot.

A few weeks ago, I posted about some things that were going on with us that I asked the community around us to pray about.  I was expecting a few to read, not many, and I made more complaint in that post than I did any matured request for prayer.  Then again, a request for prayer doesn't necessarily need to be seen as 'mature' if you are truly showing your emotion through it.  I've come to realize that people don't actually know the severity of a problem to a person until their inner-frustrations have shown.  And that is exactly what I did the other week.

Well after my post filtered through the internet, I received more pageviews from it than I have any other blog post I have ever written.  Wow!  Part of me felt a little embarrassed to know that sooo many people knew wheat I was feeling.  But as people everywhere started coming up to me, walking beside me, assured me that they were praying for me, sent me texts, emails, facebook messages, everything - I really felt that God was listening and He is taking care of me.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what's going on all around us that we feel like we have it so hard.  And to us, yes, it feels that way.  << Never ever underestimate the problems people have - those problems are very real to them, even if they don't seem like a big deal to you.  Take them seriously, and instead of telling them to get over it, help them work through it! >>   But it's even easier to lose sight of God and what He is already doing in our lives when we are overwhelmed by things of this world.  That's how I felt the other week when I wrote and posted: I felt like God gave me more than I could handle and I wanted to quit.

After posting though, so many people became such beacons of encouragement to both Frank and me.  I really felt like God was saying through everyone, "Yes, I am still here, I hear you, and I'm holding your tears.  Be patient, I am working in your waiting, and you are loved."  And boy, we felt loved.  Praise God for His love and grace and mercy for us when we feel that He should be paying us more attention than He already has.  I love God.

And so, I hope you all know that God has worked in and through you these past couple of weeks by encouraging me and Frank in our down-time.  We love you all so much and I am so thankful to have such wonderful people around us, loving us, praying for us, and encouraging us.  We have prayed for all of you and I want you to know that if you ever need someone to come beside you for encouragement and prayer, please remember that I am here for you just as you have been here for me.  God never fails, He never gives up on us, and He is always faithful.  Thank you for being you. :)

In God's Grace,
Frank and Jessica.

Avoiding an Avalanche

The artist is chosen by God to fulfill his commands and must never be overwhelmed by public opinion.

~Albrecht Durer

    This start to the school year hasn't exactly been a graceful one...  I worked full time all summer.  No biggie, in a way, since I've worked a full-time job before this summer.  However, a hard school year ended last May on a Friday.  Frank got into a car wreck that night (he was completely safe, no worries.  Just totalled the car... for clarity, it was not his fault.) we were apart on Saturday, rested on Sunday, then I started working full-time on Monday.  And I worked full time until Monday, August 19, then went back to school the next day.  I had no time to recover from the last school year and all of it's growth and stresses, but I had no choice but to start right back again on an even harder semester with brand new challenges.

#1.    First, my hours at work were cut because of budget cuts happening at my school.  This was already a very painful stress on us.  However, I can now see that as a blessing since I'm taking the most time-consuming class on campus: Hermeneutics.

 #2.   Yes, I am in my fourth year of college, yes I waited until now to take the sophomore level Hermeneutics class, but... I'm not going to explain myself.  Well I can work on one assignment for Herm for easily seven hours.  I have been spending ALL of my designated homework time on these stinkin' assignments because there's one due EVERY CLASS PERIOD!!!!!  It's not one of those classes where I can ask, "what on earth will I ever need this for?" Unfortunately, it's a class that I know has great purpose in studying the Bible - I know it is important to know.  I understand and respect that.  I don't learn by cramming, though, and I almost feel like this class should be divided into two semesters.  It's wearing me down, not just mentally, but emotionally, physically and in sleep.  I haven't been able to eat proper meals every day because I choose to work on homework for this class instead.  There have already been a few nights where I've gone to bed at 2 in the morning because I'm up trying just to complete an assignment - I'm not even trying to correct it!!  (I know, these are choices I'm making, but it's hard not to choose this!) I have hardly been able to touch any of my other homework between Herm-work, class, work, any housing cleaning I can actually get to, sleeping, eating, and breathing for a few minutes every day.  These few minutes I have to write this blog post are precious to me because I'm finding something to vent through.  I haven't run in days because I've either been busy with homework, or I've been exhausted in every way from going and going and going and going and going and not stopping until I'm beat up and tired!  Everyone tells me it's really not that bad, and I'll get the hang of it - WHEN!?!?!?!?!  Was it at the end of the semester!?  I'm in the library every minute after classes are over and I've been there quite a few mornings until class starts.  My homework is stressing my husband out who has already taken this class.  Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad class, the professor is great, it's alllll the freakin' homework every single night!!!!  I'm just so tired...

#3.    And now I've got my first exam in Research Statistics this Friday.  I think I understand a little more than half of what we've gone over by now.  I think. I hope.  My professor for that class has been so helpful taking time to help me understand what he's teaching.  That has been a huge blessing.  I feel fairly confident about this week's exam - fear and anxiety haven't even crossed my radar.  I just hope I feel that same confidence on the day of.

    Frank usually has a good amount of confidence in himself when it comes to school.  He's starting to feel like he's lacking the confidence he needs.  He's been helping me so much understanding my own homework, and through that, he's starting to question his own ability to do what God wants him to do - he doesn't want to miss it.

#4.    I'm behind already on my online class, and I'm behind on reading and notes for my Progress of Redemption class :(  I like that class, and I like the professor (just so we're straight, I like all of my professors) but I've sacrificed a class to get an outline done for herm, I've worked on herm-work while I was in class for Progress.  (Again, I know that I have chosen to do this, but I feel like there's not enough time anywhere else!)  It makes me sad.  And this isn't because I don't manage my time well - I'm a time manager through and through!

#5.    Also, please pray for family... I'll leave it at that ;)

#6.    Frank and I are thinking about moving next summer.  Where we are now is helpful because it's 'on/off campus' but it's not far enough from the rest of the CIU world to be of comfort.  The apartment we live in is a small box (less than 300 square feet, and we are being charged more than double that number for it.  I'm tired of hearing about how "we're paying for the community" - the community should be free since the community is people - and I'm not paying for people.  "It's all inclusive" actually, not entirely true...  It's not that we don't like CIU or the community around us, it would just be more comfortable to be a bit more separated from CIU, and the community is still great and refreshing to be around.  The only benefit is that we don't have to drive anywhere.  And if we were to move off-campus, that would pose another problem...

#7.    Our car is falling apart... What can we say?  It's an old, well-used car and it had 275,000 miles on it when we got it.  It was a blessing, truly, and we're thankful for it, but no matter how thankful we are won't change how the door panel is falling off, the gas gauge doesn't work, it doesn't start every time we turn the key, and two of the wheels inside the tires are rusted to the point where the mechanic said they'd have to break it in order to fix it.  Whether we move or not, that car is going to cost us something.

#8.    Okay... phew... that's feeling much better now... getting all that out in one breath...  When will it end?  I don't want to hear "welcome to the adult world" because I've been "in the adult world" longer than most people realize.  This isn't new to me - it's already getting old, and so I'm wanting to know: when will it end!?  If it's not one thing, it's another!  I couldn't imagine having children to go with this!  Hahaha what an entertaining thought :) That remains a thought, don't worry ;)

#9.    Please pray for us, you guys... and let us know how we can pray for you.  We want to focus on others right now, we are trying to avoid the avalanche that seems to be heading right towards us.  Pray for our sanity, our spirits, our growth in the Lord, for us to have good rest while we sleep, and for us to not get so caught up in what the man says is best.  Our purpose here is not to please man or feel suited for man's expectations - it's to fulfill God's call on our lives, following Him to where we need to be.

#10.    And seriously, please let us know how we can pray for you in all passion for the Lord.  Send me a facebook message, click on the "No comment:" link below and leave me a comment, comment on the facebook status.  We are all in need of the Savior, and only HE can fill the void we feel when we're lonely and overwhelmed and stressed out.  ONLY HIM.  I'm so thankful for God's strength, He is so good.  Praise Him, no matter what my days are like.

"Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live."

~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

(The Message)

Hearing God in Music

Sometimes I feel like I talk more about the secular music I listen to way more than the more Christ-focused music that I listen to.  I listen to a pretty even amount of the two.  There are a few particular groups that I really enjoy and I love listening to them because I really feel like I'm praising God using words He's given me.  If you really know me, you would understand that I believe my love language between God is through singing.  That is when I feel the closest to Him :)  So here are a few lovely people whose music encourage me in my walk with the Lord, and maybe they'll do the same for you!

Column 1: Gungor : : Brooke Fraser : : Matt Redman
Column 2: Branches : : Phil Wickham : : All Sons and Daughters : : Starfield
Column 3: Josh Garrels : : JJ Heller : : Tenth Avenue North

They're in no particular order (except for Gungor, of course) and they're all such passionate people who love the Lord.  Their lyrics of grace and wonder speak to me as if it's God speaking to me through them.  How powerful is He who uses that which we take for granted as a way to love us more.  If you would like to listen to these lovely people, and worship the Lord with all of your heart, in humble adoration, feel free to listen to the playlist I put together on Spotify called "Grace" that includes more than just a few songs by these guys.  I continue to pray for you who need Him to surround your life with love and hope.  The best thing I recommend is putting the playlist on shuffle so you can get an array of praise and worship.

Gungor's Beautiful Things Album

I first heard Gungor in high school while listening to Radio Free Florence on the radio.  I thought they sounded pretty neat and I learned a song or two by them.  About 2 years ago, when I downloaded iTunes for the first time, I bought their lovely album, Beautiful Things.  I bought the album because I was leading Bible Study for college students in Hartsville and I wanted to find some new-er Christ filled lyrics and chords to practice that was on the level of a young adult.

I didn't know what exactly I was getting into!

I have yet to write a blog about this, but the God-love language God has placed in me as a part of His design for my life is singing.  I am no great singer, but I enjoy singing anyways.  How do I know singing is my love language between me and God?  Because it's when I'm singing to Him, about Him, or even singing songs that weren't written for Him that I feel His presence so intimately.  God uses the words of a song to speak to me, and for me to speak to Him everything I want to say, but can't find the words for.  And for this gift, I am truly blessed because I get some great time with Him when I sing!  Man, I want to sing right now!

Well with this album, after listening through it a few times, I felt like, "Man, this was created for me in so many ways!"

The album starts with recognizing how human and broken and dry I am without God to give me life (1).  Next, the recognition of how great and gracious God is comes in and we ask Him to make the world new and to make us new - make us into something beautiful for Him (2).  Then some telling to world of how God is the beginning and the end, and His promise is a better and brighter day through the endurance of His love (3)!  After exclaiming His presence in the world, we become more intimate with giving our hearts to Him.  Not giving in a way of, "Okay, yeah, I guess you can have this." But in a way that a person gives the most intimate gift to the person they love with their whole heart (4).  We recognize that there is no one else ever who is like God, and nothing - not even the Bible or the Church - can contain how glorious He is and how passionate He is about us (4)!  From one lover to another, we are His Bride (5)!  And because of His love and passion for us, we find love and passion for His world.  Even though we roam the earth, the earth is not our own and we do not control it - the earth is His (6)!  And everything in it obeys Him (7)!  And as we try to get caught up in the world and all the evil the Enemy tries to spread around, He has called us out to live for Him and be the light in His world.  He encourages us and uplifts us so that we are not weak (8)!  There are times when, in trying to fight the evil of the world, we lose our strength, but we always end realizing that it's God's strength we need - not our own.  And He gives that strength to us, so restoring (9).  As He daily restores us for His Will, we praise Him, lifting His name higher (10)!  Like the Psalmist, we tell Him about how wonderful He is and that there is no one like Him.  We repetitively exclaim our love for Him and thank Him for never leaving us even when we turn our backs on Him, even when we didn't know Him - He still sought us out and called us to His side in love and we love Him (11).  God has commanded us to love, and love everyone without regard.  Even if we do everything right in deed, if we don't have love to give, we aren't doing His Will.  He has called us out, and now we must shine out the love and light that the Lord has given us (12)!  In the end, we are surrendering our humanness for His holiness, asking for forgiveness and asking Him to heal His world!  We are reminded of His glorious and His beautiful mighty love (13)!

And in one album, a picture is painted of grace, humility, endurance, love, compassion, selflessness, and it is all God - God the Father, and His Son and Holy Spirit who work for Him through us, and about God in us.  I have been playing through this album over and over again, being reminded that I am a sinner, and yet God loves me.  This is the love I should show to His world, or it will not be healed.  I feel so close to God when I praise Him through the words of this album, and I feel so one with Him.

If you're interested in hearing this God-breathed album of praise and surrender, you can find it on iTunes, Spotify, and other music kiosks.  You can find them on Facebook (maybe Twitter, but I don't like Twitter enough to go looking).  Also, you can listen to their songs on YouTube (I have added those links in the list below), or you can listen to the playlist I made containing just these songs (which I have also made on YouTube).  They're style is very eclectic containing some banjo and jazz guitar as well as some folk-sounding music and a little bit of rock and some blues.  Either way you seek them, listen for God to speak to you and praise Him, for He is so good!

Gungor - Beautiful Things

1. Dry Bones
2. Beautiful Things
3. Brighter Day
4. Heaven
5. You Have Me
6. Cannot Keep You
7. The Earth Is Yours
8. Call Me Out
9. Please Be My Strength
10. Higher
11. Late Have I Loved You
12. People of God
13. We Will Run

Believing

I just wanted to share some things that I've been learning lately about faith and believing.

  I'll be honest, for most of my Christ-following life I have been a little angered understanding that me (and other active followers), who is trying my best to live in the Will of the Lord, and others who are I-believe-in-God-and-go-to-church-and-that's-all-it-means-to-me people would be able to enjoy the same benefits as the next: life eternal with our heavenly Father.  I couldn't understand how "just faith" would get so many people to that life eternal, and I started wondering what the point of faith is if Universalism exists (there is no one way to God, and everyone will be going to heaven, i.e. Rob Bell, Joel Osteen, etc.).

Everyone who has ever been to church and has accepted Christ into their lives - whether it be because their family goes to church and therefore assume they are Christians, or whether it is the person who had a true experience with God - has heard this verse at least once:


"Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."
~John 14:6

Knowing this, everyone can get to the Father ONLY through Jesus Christ.  And if you want to get to the Father, all you have to do is believe in Him.  In a way, this is okay, but I know SO many people in this world who believe in God, but don't live for God.  I always felt like that was an injustice and started questioning whether it made a difference to live one way or to live another.  I started wondering if I could actually just live life the way I wanted to since believing was all anyone else had to do.  But still, I felt that there was something saying to me, "Just trust me, you're living in My Will."

If Jesus is the only way to the Father, as He said He was, then our goal is to follow His teachings - they are the way to life. Since that's the case, we are to follow this commandment:

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit."
~Matthew 28:19

This commandment is what we call the Great Commission.  If all it takes is believing to make it to heaven, then what would be the purpose of making disciples?  To be clear, disciples are not simply people who believe in God; they are believers who devote their lives to learning more about His Will and spend their lives showing the love of Christ through their words and actions.  They walk the walk and talk the talk, as most people say.  They are just like the disciples that followed Jesus and spoke to the nations about His gift of life.  These people, I feel, aren't really found as often as simple church-goers.

Well, I was spending time in Matthew one day, and I felt God leading me to this verse; I found out why it's so important to make disciples of all nations.  Jesus said:

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven."
~Matthew 7:21 (NIV)

or another translation says:

"They may refer to me as 'Lord,' but they still won't enter the Kingdom of Heaven. The decisive issue is whether they obey my Father in heaven."
~Matthew 7:21 (NLT)

There are plenty of people who know who God is, and plenty of believe that say He exists and therefore believe in Him.  Many people, like me at one time, think that believing is all that is required of us.  Well according to Jesus, that's a lie that Satan tries to feed us.  Only he who walks in God's Will will be able to see Him face-to-face someday.

Now, I'm not saying anything at all about being better than anyone, but instead I feel a renewed burden: shine the Light of Christ to as many people as I can.  I am called to make disciples of all nations and walk in the way of God's Will.  Brothers and Sisters, take seriously your calling to reach the world, and take heart not to let the enemy get the best of you:

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
~John 16:33

He has shown us throughout the Gospels where to find the Truth of life, how to walk in the way worthy of the Lord, and the Light that fills our hearts.  We are to be like stars in the universe, shining amidst darkness.  When you look up at the stars in the night sky, you see them because of the darkness that surrounds them.  Without the darkness, you couldn't see the stars.  There is darkness that separates each start from the other. They light up the darkness around them.  However, because you can see these stars, we see the beauty of night and all that we want to be.  Be as stars here on earth, evidently illuminating the Light of Christ you hold within, separating ourselves from darkness but lighting up the darkness that is around us.  Walk in the way of the Lord and follow the teachings of Jesus Christ, what He as taught us through the Gospels.

"...so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky..."
~Philippians 2:15

Identity Crisis

  In psychology, I have learned about Erik Erikson's Eight Ages of Man.  I am between the ages of 18 and 28 which means I am in the age called "Identity vs. Confusion."  What this means is that if I have had a healthy inner- and outer-development up until this point, I will experience an identity crisis.  If I suppress this identity crisis, or if I have had an unhealthy developmental cycle up until this point, I will experience confusion over who I really am and where I headed and I will not start moving until around the age of 28.  Also, if this identity crisis is suppressed or denied, it will become a mid-life crisis; you have an identity crisis now or  later.  A funny coincidence, my professor explained to our class that you can always tell when a woman is experiencing an identity crisis; she'll change the way her hair looks, change the color try all different styles, week after week.  I kinda shrunk back into my seat as I felt everyone look at me!  It's true!  I have made 4 major changes to my hair in a two month period and everyone has noticed!

  Clearly I am exhibiting signs of an identity crisis.  I have been trying to brush off that notion until today...

A pain I have been feeling for the past year is ultimate loneliness.  I have been feeling a lack of belonging.  I belong to the Lord, I am the wife of my darling husband.  I am friend to so many.  But still I feel alone and I don't know why.  I have had this problem reoccurring throughout my life as I've seen friends of mine become closer to others, still including me, but never as close to me as they are to someone else.  I've always thought about the possibility of me being someone who truly isn't as relatable as she thought.  Maybe I'm not as social as I thought.  I'm not who I thought I was.

I wanna be like you-oo-oo...

  Something that triggered the final full-circle thought was talking with a friend of mine; I've always considered her an extrovert because of how loud and boisterous she is, when in actuality, she is an introvert.  Now, I understand that personality tests do not define who we are, but I regard them as tools to understand the reason I am the way I am.  Maybe not all of it is true, but a lot of times, it helps to have some sort of explanation over the way I am.  Well if 1-50 on a scale is introvert, and 51-100 is extrovert, I've always been at about a 64.  Extroverted, but not very extroverted.  I hate long silences without purpose, I don't talk very much in a crowd, but I feel more comfortable in crowds than I do when I'm by myself.  However, would that mean I'm a bubbly introvert?  Ultimately, yes I understand terms don't define me, but like I said, it helps to know what I am according to people so that they understand me.  And so that I understand me.

  Another thing I've noticed about myself: what exactly do I like? I like everything.  I have a billion different clothing styles I choose from at random; I love a lot of colors, but I like a lot of not-colorful colors; I like more bold styles, and earthy styles, and plain styles, and exotic styles, and overall I am an eclectic person.  I've always wondered why I can be so eclectic, but until now I never really pondered the answer.  Am I so eclectic because I really just don't know what I like?  And I've never acknowledged it?  I don't know what I like... I like a lot of things, but I don't know what best suits me.  I purged my closet last night and got rid of 1/3 of the clothes hanging up.  This doesn't include the clothes I went through from storage and got rid of MOST of it, and the few things I was able to pull from my drawers and give away.  I hold onto things for a few reasons - I grew up with nothing but hand-me-downs and clothes from Goodwill.  Now that I can get a lot of clothes for myself, I hold on to every stitch of clothing that comes through my hands.  On top of that I have ideas of "maybe I'll be able to fit into this again," or "I really like the way this looks, even though it doesn't really flatter me," and other lame excuses.  So I got rid of everything that doesn't fit, that I don't like, and that truly doesn't flatter my shape.  All of it is in bags.  It made me feel better about myself in just that small way.

This isn't my closet, but imagine this times two!  Then
it's my closet.

  Overall, I am going through my identity crisis where I'm learning that I do change, and I have changed.  I'm learning myself all over again since I have changed so much and haven't given it much attention.  I'm not the same person I used to be and I don't entirely know who I am right now.  I know God's purpose for me, and I know my favorite role as wife, but as just Jessica, I don't think I know right now... And that's why I have been feeling so down and lonely.  I don't know what makes me feel better, I don't know how to deal with being on my own in a crowd anymore.

  So I am beginning this new growing process in my life, it's a little embarrassing to share, but I would rather be more realistic than try and fake it being okay.  I know I'm not the only one feeling this way right now, I'm not the first to go through this process and I'm not the last.  I am completely human and I would rather share with the people who supposedly care about me the way I'm feeling right now.  I want you to know how you can pray for me right now.

My Calling

  Before coming to school, I knew I wanted to go into Youth Ministry and work with youth in some way.  I wasn't sure how; maybe in a youth group setting? Maybe in a small group setting? I wasn't sure, I just know I had been called to ministering to youth in some way.

  Since I've been in college, I have been feeling God push and pull me in ways I wasn't expecting.  I am coming to the close of my junior year here and I think God might be on to something ;)  Over the past few years, I have worked with junior high students and college students on a small group level, working through passages of Scripture and working through tough Spiritual questions that are a part of our every day world.  What I have felt in my heart is the pain and loss in these students' lives.  They don't feel they fit in, they try to fit in in the wrong ways, they're confused about who to listen to, they aren't sure if they understand completely what God says will please Him, and they feel left out - even with all of the people who love them.  I know that hurt first hand, especially growing up as the only child in my group of friends who came from a divorced home.  I wish that someone, or even more people, were there for me when I hurt, and not just every few weeks or months.  That's the kind of person I want to try to be, even though I know I'm not super woman.

  Well last semester, I took a few more of my Youth Ministry, Family, and Culture classes (Issues In Contemporary Youth Culture and Communicating to Youth) and I started really realizing statistics of hurting teens in different scenarios that they can't just prevent or avoid.  I learned the statistics of their outcomes, I learned so much about the worries of children who come from abusive homes, and low-income families, and divorced homes, and so many other situations that they have constant fears from.  I decided to have a discussion with the head of the College of Counseling in the Grad Program and we talked about the requirements of entering Grad School in the College of Counseling and what the outline of time would look like for the time I spend in Grad School.  I started feeling that maybe counseling is where I'm headed.  This semester, I'm taking Counseling Youth Families (another Y Min course) and I really feel that my push towards counseling is being affirmed through this class and my Gen. Psychology class this semester.  I'm learning a lot about how "the sins of the fathers will stay with the third and fourth generations" (said 66 times throughout the Old Testament) and how your family system really determines how you react to the world around you.  It is crucial to work with youth who are at the growing stages of their lives where they need affirmation and direction but don't have many places to go.

  Ultimately, I feel called to being a counselor in a Christian setting for families in crisis with a focus on the youth of these families.  I am really enjoying family systems and how God works through the different members of the family to make Himself known and to do His Will.  I think that in the event that I felt called to get my Doctorate's in anything, it would be in Family Systems.  But at the moment, I just want to focus on getting my Master's for counseling.  I can't wait to finish undergrad so that I can get done with my Master's degree as soon as I can; I can start working as a counselor in a Christian setting with families and youth!

  The only thing now is this: will God truly provide for this? It already looks like He's leading me in the right direction, but will He truly provide? I trust Him. Also, my husband has aspirations to go to grad school as well, and later get his PhD in teaching History on the college level.  What will be provided for us for him? Will we both be able to go to Grad school? Is that what we are both called to do? If so, where is he supposed to go? And when would he start? What should we do in between Undergrad and Grad school? When he and/or I finish Grad school, where will my husband go for his PhD? So many questions, and still so many that I haven't named.  PLEASE! Pray for us, first thanking God for everything He has done for us already, and then to ask Him to provide clarity and to provide financially for what we need in the coming years.  Please also pray for all the lives He will be putting in ours to help direct towards Him.  Please pray that He will surely reveal to us His plan for us.

In Christ alone,
Jessica

The Dead Church

  It scares me how lonely I can feel at church...

This is how it feels when I'm at certain churches,
and I know I'm not alone in this feeling...

Not just one or two churches, but any given church.  I don't care what message you believe your church to have, there will always be someone who does not belong.  Someone who feels alone.  Someone who is truly there to worship, but all they see are plastic souls around them.

What brought this on?  I have attended quite a few churches in my life time.  Starting in the Midwest, I have seen the best and worst of the Lutheran church, the Episcopalian church, the United Methodist Church, the Anglican Church, and now an Evangelical contemporary church.  I have visited Baptist churches, Presbyterian churches, non-denominational churches, Pentecostal churches, AME churches, among others, and the same facade is with each of them.

Children don't need to be pacified, but encouraged to
experience God on their own.

While I was in church yesterday, I sat at a different place than normal, near the back.  My church has over a thousand people in it, it's contemporary, it's evangelical and mission-minded.  All great things to accommodate the growing Church world-wide.  However, I got a glimpse of what too many people are like in every church I have ever attended: they look dead.  I can almost smell the decay on their souls as they stand, hold the bulletin, look at the preacher, look at the words on the screen, go through the motions, and never once appear to be moved by any of it.  They open their Bibles with the help of the index and never even follow along with the Scripture as it's being read.  These same people leave immediately after the sermon ends, slipping out the back as the rest of the church sings a song and prays, but they leave so they don't have to wait for the crowd that's about to swarm out.

These same people are in the church I was a part of before I got married.  There were great people there, but there were fathers who made their children go to church because it's what you do on Sunday morning.  They would open the hymnal to whatever song was to be sung, but looked directly at the front, not paying attention to anything the song was saying.  Same thing with the mothers, they would supply their children with crayons and things to color (or even their iPhones) so they would stay content while they listened to the sermon.  Again, these same people would get up right before the end of the service so they wouldn't have to beat the traffic out in the parking lot.

Good grief! What is more important!?!?!  A relationship with God? Or getting back home asap!  Getting to know our Christ and Savior even more than we think we already do? Or keeping our kids content, not showing them the true value in opening your heart and mind to what God might say to you?

I feel sometimes like there are people who keep looking
forward at the church and the finances, but very few
members of the Church look to God for any real reason.

Sometimes I even feel like the churches I have been to are more focused on the finances and keeping a budget and using their money wisely, and they'll let others do the "reaching out" part for them.  I started a college ministry out of one of my old churches.  I started it, organized events, lead Bible studies and so on.  When others would say anything about it, it would be "good job! we're glad someone has stepped up to take that position!" But when I'd ask for help or for someone to take over and continue it, everyone would just smile and say, "God will provide someone."  True, He would, but if God provides someone who refuses to listen... what's going to happen?

I came close to tears yesterday as I stood behind people like this who stood emotionless while songs of utmost praise were being sung to the Lord.  They looked directly at the pastor during his sermon and never flinched until it was time for them to exit the church discreetly so they could beat the crowd out of the parking lot.  Even in a church that feels so much more alive than the others I've been to has so many dead people in it!  What is wrong with our Church!?  Why do we have so many people like this??  Is it because of the fathers and mothers who, for decades, have been pacifying their children, never really implementing how Jesus saved us from an eternity of death??  So the trend continues? It's more important to beat the crowd out of the parking lot and get home quickly so you can eat and watch a game than it is to spend only a few extra well-spent minutes in prayer asking God to forgive you for all you've done to hurt Him?

I have heard the argument before that, "everybody worships in their own way," and I have never doubted that.  I agree with that and recognize it.  But there's a difference between "worshiping in your own way," and "not worshiping at all."  Whatever is going on in one's soul is between them and God, but for goodness sakes, if the power of the Holy Spirit was actually moving through you, we'd be able to tell!  It's not something you can just hide!

Maybe I'm just ranting passionately about something that has truly been bothering me, but I felt so alone yesterday as I stood there, praising God for all He has done, and I look around and there's no movement - not even any lips moving or a recognition for the beat of the music, nothing.  Every time there was an important part in the sermon, I saw phones being looked at for the time, and little chatting and whispers every few minutes.  If it wasn't one thing, it was another, and it broke my heart.

That boy will make a difference for the Kingdom
of God.

I can say, there was one boy in the first service I went to.  He sat two rows in front of me, he was there with his mom and he wasn't more than maybe 16 years old.  I could feel how God was molding him just by watching the way He recognized God on his own.  He wasn't flailing his arms around and shouting louder than everyone, he wasn't dancing along to the worship songs, he wasn't doing any of those stereotypical things that people think of when they hear "truly worshiping." He was giving his solemn recognition to God by talking to Him.  He was using the words of the song as his song to God.  He was praying and his hands were open, offering himself to God.  And he was different from everyone else around him.

In that moment, I felt that there was hope for the future of our Church - the Body of Christ.  I felt that God was still working in us and through us, and He is bringing His Body to life one person at a time.  I remembered that, in one way I am supposed to worry about the dead souls around me - even in church.  I remembered that, in another way, I was supposed to worship the God I feel so hurt for and let Him handle the rest.

The reason I started this whole rant today is because it's something that consistently bothers me.  Everyone feels differently about it, but for me, I can't stand it.  I want to see the Chruch awakened completely!  I feel like the Body of Christ is still sleeping.  Think: when you're body sleeps, certain functions shut down until you wake up again in the morning.  Well the Body of Christ has not experienced the morning yet!  So many are alive and active, while most of the Body's counterparts are still asleep, waiting for the pons to wake them up.  Pray for our Church, for the world-wide Church, every denomination, every perosn and every Seeker to come awakened to the life Christ has to offer for the Body!  Let His presence reign over all the earth and let His work in the world truly start through us - a not-dead Church.

He Reigns by The Newsboys

It's My 21st Birthday!

  Well I'm officially 21! Legal drinking age, I'm married, I have the blessing of a wonderful job and a healthy young family, I have all the necessities, everything I need and a little bit of what I want.  Everything is well with me and my soul.

We're getting ready for my birthday dinner!  And he's
being an absolute goof ball!

  Over the past year, I have grown a lot in the way that I see things.  I have learned the importance of my family and how much I truly love and appreciate them and where we came from.  I have grown closer to each member of my immediate family and I have also added a member to make our own family unit.

  I have learned how to communicate more effectively to people, but also how to really come to the same level of understanding my peers who feel the same hurt I do.  I have watched God move in and work through me to bring others into His comfort and give me peace in the process.

  I have truly learned even greater what it means to trust the Lord.  I have sought Him for provision and had faith that He would be faithful.  Sure enough, He provided - everything I needed and more and He continues to bless me with His overwhelming grace and mercy.

  I have received, yet again, a more specified version of my calling.  Since I have come to college, I know I wanted to serve in the mission field and work with youth.  Over the past few years, the place of mission work has been whispered to me, and the age group I will be working with has been revealed through the strengths God has blessed me with.  Now, the area of youth ministry I am called to is even more specific: counseling youth (and at-risk youth) and their families of crisis.  I have had such a growing heart of passion towards teens and young adults who need the wisdom of God to enter their life and encourage them towards the One who is the Great Physician, the Healer who has love like an ocean, and we are merely trees being caught in the welling flood of His grace.

  I have gotten married in the past year, acquired and started running a new household, gone out on my own and have been trusting God the whole way.

  I have had the best school grades since I was a sophomore in high school, and my age-old lack of self-confidence has grown - ever so slightly - over the past few months.  Even a little bit of growth is a good amount of growth.

  I have wonderful friends whom I love to surround and surround myself with.  I have forgiven even still more people from my past, and I am continuing to learn how to forgive.

  I have acquired skills from God-could-only-have-provided-this jobs in the past year and I have been able to apply these skills to all areas of my life.

  I have learned so much, done so much, grown so much, given so much, loved so much, helped so much, stayed patient so much, learned so much in the past year of my life and I am so thankful for the witness and testimony He has given me through the life He wants me to lead.  Life is still hard, I still mess up and make mistakes, I make decisions that I think are good and may not be in the end, I learn from these things, and I allow God to continue molding me into the person He needs me to be to bring Him glory.  I am the Clay and He is the Potter, and I am thrilled to see all He has in store for me this year.

  Please pray for me to face this next year of my life with a heart of open willingness to grow, with a heart softened to learn from other and grow in the Lord's Wisdom, that I have a mind open to what the Lord has to teach me and that I will trust God even more in the hard times.  Pray that I will always give credit where credit is due, learn from my experiences, good and bad.  Pray that I will never lose sight of who I am and where I came from, that the person I have become will be a witness to the people God intends for me to seek.  Pray that, as I lead my household as the wife, I would be a wise and God-fearing wife, making the best decisions I can for my family, and a good support to my husband.  Pray that I will continue growing in the ways that I have been and that the legacy I leave is not one that is shameful and shady but one that points to God and gives Him glory and honor.  Thanks for being with me and walking through life with me, and I pray that I can be an encouragement to all who know me.

In Christ Alone,
Jessica

Feeling Conflicted... Please Pray For Courage

  Please pray for me at the moment as I'm trying to forgive some things from my past... There were things that went on while I was in high school - in my family, at school, with friendships, with relationships, and so on.  Well many of these things, I have had to work through and, because of the grace and mercy of God, I have been able to grow past them.

  However, one of the hardest things that I have had to learn to do is forgive those who have hurt me in different ways.  A few of them who were closest to me, I have been able to come to a point within myself that I can forgive and forget and move on from what they did (in their respective ways) to make things painful for me.  Even though I may never actually get a chance to verbalize that forgiveness I have, I know that I can have rest in my soul knowing that I was able to let God move in me.  I no longer hold hurtful grudges there.  However, there is one in particular person whom I went to high school with that I looked up to as a good Christ-following role model.  Suddenly, without warning, this person not only cut me off and cut off our friendship, but they did that with all of our friends around us.  Even now, I still have passerby moments with this person, and it hurts every time because I feel like I'm not important enough to even notice or care for.

  What hurts the most is that I looked to this person as different from the rest and really respected them.  Surely, I was not exactly the perfect person in high school and struggled with belonging and whatnot, but I still saw this person as almost a guiding light that I wasn't used to because of the presence of Christ in their life.  I, to this day, have no clue what I did that was so horrible.. they felt the need to end our friendship without rhyme or reason and never talk to me again.  To be honest, they really killed their witness to me.  They killed the picture of grace and patience and understanding and enduring faith that I once saw within them and eventually, in my hurt, those images turned to thoughts of bitterness and images of this person as being self-centered and judgmental.

  Well it has been about four years since I actually had any sort of relationship with this person.  The forgiving process started long ago and I've truly been working on it, but I can't seem to reach the point of absolute forgiveness... And I can't figure out why?  Maybe I need closure from that side?  I never really understood what exactly happened, so maybe I just need to know what I did to deserve this?  Maybe I want to hear an apology?  I don't know.  But I have really been feeling the urge to take this person aside one day to talk to about what went on, explain the hurt it caused me, and see where God leads the conversation.  I don't think there will be much hope for rekindling a relationship any time soon, but I know I would like to settle whatever went wrong.  It's been really hard living with this on my heart these past few years.  And every time I ask God to provide a time for me to talk with this person, He gives it and I coward out.  I think ultimately, because I don't want to be hurt by whatever goes on.  I also know that, when I feel hurt by a person, my natural defense mechanism is to become cold and get really rigid and defensive when I come into contact with them.  I need to talk to this person soon though, before I simply don't have a chance and I always feel that wrong and disgraceful bitterness towards them.

  So please pray for me... pray that God will truly continue to work within me, showing me how to have grace in this forgiving process.  Pray that He will indeed equip me with the right amount of courage to face this person and work through what went on in the past.  Pray that He continues to grow my well of forgiveness into a greater forge with room for every ounce of forgiveness that I need to give.  Pray that whatever I learn from this process and trial will be fruitful in other ways, so that someday I can pour this same wisdom into someone else who needs to face a similar problem.  Pray that exactly the right words that I need to say to this person will come out in a way that doesn't offend, that my heart will remain softened for room for growing, that this persons heart would not be hard towards me, nor offensive toward me either.  Please pray for me, for me to have the courage to face that which brings me down and keeps me from growing closer to God.  Please pray for me.  Thanks...

The Effects of Prayer and Fashion

Sent By Ravens
the effects of fashion and prayer

  Now, the statement my title makes is almost an insight to the "Christian" world I live in here in America.  Coined by a great band,  Sent By Ravens, I have borrowed the title from their "Effects of Fashion and Prayer" only reversed - to make my point.  I have adopted this title to express the way I feel about what I've seen around me lately, as well as the descriptor for the way my heart feels now.

  As a beginner, effects are the results of a cause; something that happens because of a prior event.  Such events can be, but are not exclusive to, relationships, friendships, socializing, concerts, driving, etc.  So to begin with prayer...

Prayer: our personal phone call to God.

Prayer

Relying on God is something that is becoming more obsolete as time goes on.  We, as a people of earth, find that it's easier to rely on ourselves and then put God's name in front of our success so that it appears that we have such a relationship with the Lord.  When we actually hand every aspect of our lives over to God, even if it's one-by-one, we truly grow to understand the work of God's hand over our life.  Lately, I have witnessed this to my own mom as encouragement for what is going on in her own life.  Taking her life and choices to the Lord in prayer, she has shared with me how she has seen the God truly works in her life when she trusts Him.  Knowing that God's hand is constantly in her life is such a satisfying relief to me!

As far as prayer goes for me, I have experienced the verse in Romans 8:26 which says: "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."  I have a hard time collecting my thoughts sometimes when I'm talking to people and I try not to let it show while I talk.  Unfortunately, I have a hard time thinking of what words to bring to God in prayer and I know in my head what I want to ask for but my spirit cannot put it to words.  When these things happen, I usually end up saying something like, "God, you know what's on my heart right now; please take care of it - I don't even know what I want to ask you..."  Not such a great idea, Jessica... Charles and John Wesley have both said before: "God does nothing without prayer."  Jesus encouraged us to pray for everything, as well as Paul encouraged us to constantly pray, for though God knows the troubles and desires of our hearts, He will not work unless we ask Him to.  Think about a human relationship; your friend is so exhausted with all of her responsibilities in school, and work, possibly in her family, and she does not have any down time for herself.  You want to help her in some way, but you know that she would rather stay independent and work on her own.  All the while, your friend is telling you all these woes and stresses thinking, "I wish she'd offer to help..."  Since she never asked, you don't help her although you know she needs it.  It's not until she asks you to help her in some way that you willingly accept the burden she's asking to share, bringing her some peace.  Make sense?

Well, recently, I have decided to take Romans 8:26 seriously, and I have asked the Holy Spirit to speak to the Lord through me on my behalf... Wasn't sure how that was going to work... As I sat there praying, though, I felt these words come into my mouth, into my mind, that were the exact things I was trying to think of saying!  As if with a different voice, I heard the words I needed to say come so perfectly, only in a way that I would have never worded, words that were not my own but said exactly what I could not seem to think of.  And I know for a fact that the Holy Spirit was working in my favor before the Lord.  I can see Him truly working with my request based on how the words I have spoken effect the situation!  What an amazing God!  I wish every human being could experience such love and peace!  I wish Christian would swallow their pride and actually understand who God really is and long to live for Him!  But this brings me to the effect of fashion...

Fashion

Fashion is what we see when we want to impress people.  Often times, fashion leaks into our so-called "Spiritual lives" and that's when the Message gets confused.  We start thinking that showing up at church and praying before meals means that we are going along with the whole 'religion' thing.  Well.  You're right.  Going to church is a part of religion.  Praying before meals is a part of religion.  Going to Sunday school is a part of religion.  Reading and owning a Bible is religion.  Sermons on Sunday morning is part of religion.  This is truly religion, you are correct, and if you take part in these things 'religiously' then you are definitely a religious person!  Yay for you!  That doesn't mean you know Christ and His work in your life.  That doesn't mean you have allowed God to speak to you, or rather, that you have listened to Him.  That doesn't mean you know what it;s like to be in His presence.  That doesn't make you holier than everyone else who does not do those religious things.  That does not necessarily make you a Christian, or even a better person.  While for a few people, these things all fall hand-in-hand with each other, there are many many more whose lives speak the latter reality.  Only they realize it and therefore don't believe it to be true.

Now, I am not calling out any individuals, for overall the relationship one has with God is between them and God.  However, it is evident when people follow all of those religious things and then aren't very sure how Christ fits in to all of that.

"It's better to be hated for what you are,
then loved for what you're not."
-Kurt Cobain

Christianity, the religion, has become SO fashionable in our society because it makes people feel happy, look good, and earn a reputation for participating in such selfless activities.  The misleading point comes when you look at how not selfless these people are being with their intentions.  And this is where the rest of the Seeking world is led astray - getting to God and finding purpose is by follow rules and regulations of a Spiritual culture, and Christ might be thrown in there somewhere, probably attached to how happy life is because of Him and yet few really understand why.  When asked what God's purpose for us in life is, most would say something like, "He wants me to be happy and so He makes sure I'm happy."  The answer is, "God wants me to humble myself because of the amazing sacrifice HE made for ME!  Therefore, in everything I do - even if it leads to my death - I want the whole world to hear about the freedom I have in Christ!"  But that's above many people's heads.  So often, I hear about how happy God has made a person their whole lives and how He's never let harm come to them, He's always made life so enjoyable and wonderful.  There may have been a time or two when these people were sad, but God didn't want them to be sad, so somehow He fixed it.  I think that is wonderful to know that God is the Almighty Comforter of the mourning and weeping, and I say, "PRAISE GOD!" for that act of Love in your life!  I truly believe that is wonderful!  But have you ever really lived if all your life has ever been is happy and pleasing to you?

Selfish and happy?
Or selfless and giving the glory to God?

It's not a selfish 'religion' - if you think about it, every other religion in our known society focuses on "me," revolves around how "I" can be better, how "I" can be happy and content.  Jesus came way out of His comfort zone to talk to stubborn thieves and prostitutes who didn't seem to understand what He was talking about while He was here, got frustrated and angry at all the greedy selfishness the world displayed, was framed for doing something He never did, had His skin ripped apart and His clothes gambled off in humor as He lay there bleeding, and then got His hands and feet nailed to a plank of wood as people beneath Him mocked Him and spat on his bloody wounds.  THIS is the reason we are Christians.  Not so that we can be happy.  Jesus' purpose here was to show us how to really love another person without expecting anything in return.  He taught us countless times how to pray and how to truly please God without offerings.  He taught us what life is supposed to be about - God, others.  Not anything to do with us.  Jesus Christ taught us to forget about anything to do with ourselves and what makes us happy so that we can live for HIM and serve OTHERS.  NOTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH US.  That is holiness.  That is God's purpose for our lives.  Our 'religion' is about something other than ourselves - unlike every other faith in this world.  Christ was selfless in hopes that we too would be selfless.  Not selfish.  Why don't we get that, people!?

His example: serving others.

Christ-ian translates to "Christ-like" or "little Christ" and was originally meant as mockery of those who followed the teachings of Christ.  As we have adopted the name as truth in our lives, we have lost the real reason that we were ever called Christians.  We have lost sight of God, His Will, His sacrifice, others around us, everything to do with Christ because we are more concerned with which dress will be the cutest on Easter Sunday and what gifts we will be getting on Christmas morning.  We are so caught up in all the social activity at church that we forget about Church and our purpose for going to church in the first place - communion and fellowship worshipping God as one Body of believers.  Being a Christian is about being broken people that God loves, shows mercy to, accepts just as we are, molds your life from the inside out and then uses us to show others the love and acceptance we can get from Him.

Christianity is now merely fashion in our culture.  It's something that dresses us up as good and happy people and nothing more.  We can't bare the thought of being looked down upon by the world to give God glory.  And most don't even understand what that means.  We have nothing to do with selfishness, nothing to do with legalism, nothing to do with mere socialite activities for good reputation.  My hope and prayer is that the effects of God in this world through who really know Him will be enough to reach everyone wrapped up in the effects of fashion.  Nothing is more disheartening to me than someone who has never truly met God right where they're at.  Take seriously the calling we give ourselves when we claim the name of Christ-like.  Christian is not who we are intended to be, Christ followers are who we are based on the love, mercy, and sacrifice Christ taught us through His life, words, and examples.  Don't be ashamed of that!  And don't let our lovely fashionable Christianity control you.