So for those of you who read my blog regularly, you've noticed that I've been posting a bunch of random short snippets of stuff lately. For instance, I've been posting about Fleet Foxes, and how I wish they would come out with some new stuff already, and I'm always posting songs of the day. And not a whole lot beyond that. There's a reason... actually, there are many reasons, starting with: I'm losing my mind.
#1. I'm in Hermeneutics this semester. What is that? It's pronounced: Herm-en-oot-ics and it's the principles of Biblical Interpretation. What's the purpose of the class? You can't just interpret the Bible however you want, there's an actual meaning and purpose intended for each passage that are meant to be interpreted exactly how the author intended. Studying the hermeneutical part of Scripture helps to determine what Scripture is actually saying, not just what we want it to say. There's a lot of effort that needs to be put into interpreting the Bible the way it was meant to be interpreted. I spent easily over 30 hours working on my Herm mid-term these past few weeks. I was in the library every minute it was open while I wasn't working or in class. Now that it's all over, I have to start working on the Final. I'm ready for school to be done... It's all I've been able to do to post a song of the day a few times a week.
Blogging is one of my biggest stress outlets. I love blogging. I love the blogger world. I feel better after posting something on my blog. Even if I can only post something small and menial, I have posted something: stress relieves a little.
#2. I've been struggling on my own internally. There are a few things inside that I brought into this semester. Personal struggles have been casting a shadow over my life, it seems. I feel so disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I feel alone. I haven't been pursuing God like I've been needing to. I've been so caught up in school requirements that I haven't made a lot of time for friends. Thankfully, God has been gracious with our marriage, even in this time, as Frank and I have been able to keep our marriage a priority in all the craziness. Anyways, I just feel alone right now... I have nothing to really talk about. I'm trying to keep myself interested in things I like doing (like blogging) by consistently pursuing those things. Why am I doing this? (See #3.)
#3. In high school I suffered from severe depression. Lots of people suffer from depression. The thing about depression is: it can come back - especially once you've experienced it for long enough. I have recurring, or chronic, depressive bouts. I slip in and out of depression regularly; anything can trigger it for me, really. I've had enough fight with depression to know when I'm starting to go downward, and I know how to catch myself from getting too severe. Even though I haven't been posting anything of real substance lately, I have been making myself do something that I enjoy, that makes me feel better, and that's why my posts have been so short and possibly boring to some people. There are two kinds of people who suffer from depression: the ones who give in, and the ones who know they can fight it. I try always to be the latter; I am strong enough to fight it. I have God ;)
So in all, right now, I have been ...feeling alone, I guess. From having constant work to do, from being exhausted from school and work, and housework, I haven't done a good job with pursuing God first, and pursuing people as I would want them to pursue me, and I've been fighting off depression again. If you want to pray for me, you can pray for me in these ways:
#1. I keep up my energy as I tackle the Final for Herm, all while studying for every exam in between for my other classes. It has been by God's grace that I have been able to keep on top of everything.
#2. Pray for the [un-named] struggles I'm dealing with right now. The enemy is really trying to use these struggles to his advantage right now. I need to know in my heart that God is sufficient for the needs I feel I'm lacking. I can't rely on human beings to fill the needs that only God can fill.
#3. God supplies me with the strength I need to handle my constant fight with depression. I'm not always depressed, but it visits me regularly, and I always need to be on guard. God is good.
#4. I pursue God more vigorously than I have been in a while. I know He's there, and He's always there for me - even when I'm not pursuing Him. He is worthy of my time, love, affection, and everything I have to offer, and more. I need to re-connect with Him again.
#5. Our marriage. We are actually really growing a lot together through this time, and the impact life has had on our marriage has actually been positive. Praise God for this! But also ask that God continue to protect our marriage from the enemy, and rather continue growing it to be more and more for His glory.
Thanks for checking in with me, those of you who have read. I really appreciate your prayers and love. And always remember: if you need prayer for anything or need someone to talk to: please message me privately, send me a text, send a messenger pigeon. Please know that you can trust me - I want to share your burden, too (Galatians 6:2).