Monday, September 16, 2013

Avoiding an Avalanche

The artist is chosen by God to fulfill his commands and must never be overwhelmed by public opinion.

~Albrecht Durer

    This start to the school year hasn't exactly been a graceful one...  I worked full time all summer.  No biggie, in a way, since I've worked a full-time job before this summer.  However, a hard school year ended last May on a Friday.  Frank got into a car wreck that night (he was completely safe, no worries.  Just totalled the car... for clarity, it was not his fault.) we were apart on Saturday, rested on Sunday, then I started working full-time on Monday.  And I worked full time until Monday, August 19, then went back to school the next day.  I had no time to recover from the last school year and all of it's growth and stresses, but I had no choice but to start right back again on an even harder semester with brand new challenges.

#1.    First, my hours at work were cut because of budget cuts happening at my school.  This was already a very painful stress on us.  However, I can now see that as a blessing since I'm taking the most time-consuming class on campus: Hermeneutics.

 #2.   Yes, I am in my fourth year of college, yes I waited until now to take the sophomore level Hermeneutics class, but... I'm not going to explain myself.  Well I can work on one assignment for Herm for easily seven hours.  I have been spending ALL of my designated homework time on these stinkin' assignments because there's one due EVERY CLASS PERIOD!!!!!  It's not one of those classes where I can ask, "what on earth will I ever need this for?" Unfortunately, it's a class that I know has great purpose in studying the Bible - I know it is important to know.  I understand and respect that.  I don't learn by cramming, though, and I almost feel like this class should be divided into two semesters.  It's wearing me down, not just mentally, but emotionally, physically and in sleep.  I haven't been able to eat proper meals every day because I choose to work on homework for this class instead.  There have already been a few nights where I've gone to bed at 2 in the morning because I'm up trying just to complete an assignment - I'm not even trying to correct it!!  (I know, these are choices I'm making, but it's hard not to choose this!) I have hardly been able to touch any of my other homework between Herm-work, class, work, any housing cleaning I can actually get to, sleeping, eating, and breathing for a few minutes every day.  These few minutes I have to write this blog post are precious to me because I'm finding something to vent through.  I haven't run in days because I've either been busy with homework, or I've been exhausted in every way from going and going and going and going and going and not stopping until I'm beat up and tired!  Everyone tells me it's really not that bad, and I'll get the hang of it - WHEN!?!?!?!?!  Was it at the end of the semester!?  I'm in the library every minute after classes are over and I've been there quite a few mornings until class starts.  My homework is stressing my husband out who has already taken this class.  Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad class, the professor is great, it's alllll the freakin' homework every single night!!!!  I'm just so tired...

#3.    And now I've got my first exam in Research Statistics this Friday.  I think I understand a little more than half of what we've gone over by now.  I think. I hope.  My professor for that class has been so helpful taking time to help me understand what he's teaching.  That has been a huge blessing.  I feel fairly confident about this week's exam - fear and anxiety haven't even crossed my radar.  I just hope I feel that same confidence on the day of.

    Frank usually has a good amount of confidence in himself when it comes to school.  He's starting to feel like he's lacking the confidence he needs.  He's been helping me so much understanding my own homework, and through that, he's starting to question his own ability to do what God wants him to do - he doesn't want to miss it.

#4.    I'm behind already on my online class, and I'm behind on reading and notes for my Progress of Redemption class :(  I like that class, and I like the professor (just so we're straight, I like all of my professors) but I've sacrificed a class to get an outline done for herm, I've worked on herm-work while I was in class for Progress.  (Again, I know that I have chosen to do this, but I feel like there's not enough time anywhere else!)  It makes me sad.  And this isn't because I don't manage my time well - I'm a time manager through and through!

#5.    Also, please pray for family... I'll leave it at that ;)

#6.    Frank and I are thinking about moving next summer.  Where we are now is helpful because it's 'on/off campus' but it's not far enough from the rest of the CIU world to be of comfort.  The apartment we live in is a small box (less than 300 square feet, and we are being charged more than double that number for it.  I'm tired of hearing about how "we're paying for the community" - the community should be free since the community is people - and I'm not paying for people.  "It's all inclusive" actually, not entirely true...  It's not that we don't like CIU or the community around us, it would just be more comfortable to be a bit more separated from CIU, and the community is still great and refreshing to be around.  The only benefit is that we don't have to drive anywhere.  And if we were to move off-campus, that would pose another problem...

#7.    Our car is falling apart... What can we say?  It's an old, well-used car and it had 275,000 miles on it when we got it.  It was a blessing, truly, and we're thankful for it, but no matter how thankful we are won't change how the door panel is falling off, the gas gauge doesn't work, it doesn't start every time we turn the key, and two of the wheels inside the tires are rusted to the point where the mechanic said they'd have to break it in order to fix it.  Whether we move or not, that car is going to cost us something.

#8.    Okay... phew... that's feeling much better now... getting all that out in one breath...  When will it end?  I don't want to hear "welcome to the adult world" because I've been "in the adult world" longer than most people realize.  This isn't new to me - it's already getting old, and so I'm wanting to know: when will it end!?  If it's not one thing, it's another!  I couldn't imagine having children to go with this!  Hahaha what an entertaining thought :) That remains a thought, don't worry ;)

#9.    Please pray for us, you guys... and let us know how we can pray for you.  We want to focus on others right now, we are trying to avoid the avalanche that seems to be heading right towards us.  Pray for our sanity, our spirits, our growth in the Lord, for us to have good rest while we sleep, and for us to not get so caught up in what the man says is best.  Our purpose here is not to please man or feel suited for man's expectations - it's to fulfill God's call on our lives, following Him to where we need to be.

#10.    And seriously, please let us know how we can pray for you in all passion for the Lord.  Send me a facebook message, click on the "No comment:" link below and leave me a comment, comment on the facebook status.  We are all in need of the Savior, and only HE can fill the void we feel when we're lonely and overwhelmed and stressed out.  ONLY HIM.  I'm so thankful for God's strength, He is so good.  Praise Him, no matter what my days are like.

"Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live."
~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
(The Message)

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