Friday, May 25, 2012

Quality Time Lover

  If you've ever heard of the Five Love Languages based off of a book written by Gary Chapman, then you understand already that there are differences in the ways people naturally approach the way they show affection.

  If you aren't very clear on what I'm talking about, let me explain: the five 'love languages' are Words of Affirmation (depending and relying on words to say every emotion you need to get out to someone and also expecting words to be what validates you in other's eyes); Quality Time (the way you show love to your friends and others is through spending a good time with them and be actively involved in what they have going on while also hoping people would want to spend good time with you because they care about what goes on with you too); Gifts (you know just what to get for someone that you know will make them smile and you love receiving gifts because it helps you understand that people pay so much attention to you, they just know you would love what they give you); Acts of Service (you think that showing people you would do anything for them means that they understand how important they are to you and how much you value them, while people wanting to serve you in whatever way they can means the same in return - all of this without expectation); and Physical Touch (you love letting people know you want to comfort them with hugs and putting your arm around them, and whatnot. It shows a level of comfort you have with that person in order to make them feel better, and when you need love from a friend, you just want a bunch of hugs and high fives).

  Now that everyone is clear on each of them, I'll explain that with each love language, people yearn to be reciprocated, meaning that if I show you love [this way] I would appreciate it if you could let me know that you love me in that same way.  In other words, lets say I'm a gift giver and my best friend is a words of affirmation; if I tell my best friend, "Good job on the personal project you've been working on!  It looks so good, and I can tell you really poured yourself into it!  You are so good at what you do!"  I can pour into her/him and show affection to them through their love language, because I understand that's how they feel worthy.  Afterwords, being a gift giver, I take him/her out to their favorite restaurant and but them whatever they like - this is me giving my best friend the thing he or she loves the most through my love language.  My reciprocated hope is that if I was to ever put myself to work on something I really wanted to accomplish, I would love to be shown affection in my love language - maybe recieving a gift, or someone making a prize for me, or taking me out to my favorite restaurant.  You see, love languages are hard to master - there's so much to think about!  You need to consider what every person finds self-worth from, find ideas that they would love if you wanted to show them you care, and remember to show them affection through your own love language as well - lots to keep up with.  But you will be stellar surprised at how happy you can make someone by showing them they are special to you through their love language.

  So why am I telling you all of this?  Well.. this week I've felt a little alone... :( people have talked to me, yes, people have met me for lunch, yes.  But the people I spend most of my life around seem to have so many other personal plans in their lives that I feel like I'm simply there because I always have been.  I have never been one to be the center of attnetion - don't get me wrong, I'd rather not be at the center.  But sometimes, I feel like I pour all of my energy into making others feel good about themselves, and I hardly get the recriprocated affection.  My love language is quality time.  I love getting to know people more and more and more and letting them know how interested I really am in what they have going on.  This language of mine has helped me to mentor people, do some degree of counseling to friends and family who just need someone to talk to.  I have a great time planning events and Bible studies where I get to spend good time with people and learn about where they came from and what God's doing in their life... But I always feel like I  am the one who sets times and dates up for me to meet with people, or even spend time with those closest to me, because no one else really does that sort of thing.  I feel that it's only me who cares about  staying in touch with people, and spending quality time with the ones I love, but I don't feel sometimes like I get that same care back - very few attempt to spend time with me unless I prompt them to hang out or doing something fun.  It's so hard to deal with that sometimes...

  Don't get me wrong - I understnad that the way everyone shows affection is different from the way I do it.  But my thing is this: I figure out the things they love and make sure to show others through their love launguage how much they mean to me, but it's like no one really notices that I want that same affection back through my own love language for a change.  Maybe I'm just rambling... Maybe you can point out how I'm being unreasonable and whatnot, and maybe you can point out all that has  been done for me.  I'm not overlooking any of that, and appreciate it all very much!  But everyone understands what it's like for negative feelings to build up over time.  It's so much easier to look at how bad you can feel and not look so much at the things that can go right :) But for me, lately, I feel like little things have been building and building and building, and not as much effort has been put out by many people to balance out my feelings.  Everyone close in my life seems to have so many other things on their agenda that they would rather do than meet me at my point of longing...

  I don't know, just rambling... But anyways, I don't really know what you can actually learn this time, other than how to truly love someone (and I'm not talking about sex.) with them in mind.  Overall, I just wanted to waste this space on me complaining more than anything, sorry guys...


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