Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Through The Fog, There Is Hope In the Distance

  Before the summer began, I had some struggles and worries about what was to happen in ministry and with finances...

  God, once again, is coming through as always! :)  I'm learning new and different lessons in ministry: what not to expect; things won't always work out according to my plans that I have made; where there is one, ministry can be done.  It's a hard lesson, but I am taking it fruitfully, understanding that this is how the rest of my life in ministry will be: unpredictable and sometimes frustrating - but never disappointing!

  Disappointment.  I use that word a lot to explain how I feel sometimes about the outcome of each night I devote to ministry in whichever way it comes.  I felt so 'let down' by all the people that I was trying to count on, only to remember  that relying on any other human is a waste of time that I will never ever get back.  God is the ONLY One I can rely on, and He will never let me down.  Learning lessons is something that happens in everyone's life, but those who chose to blame their lessons and trials on everyone else around them are the people whose hearts are hardened and can't be soften by God's loving discipline.

We are the clay, God is the Potter that molds us
into something beautiful for His glory.
  Discipline.  a word we hear from childhood that means learning lessons the hard way to refine our every verb.  Without discipline, we are told, we are wild, mindless, senseless, irresponsible, disrespectful, less-than-what-we-could-be humans.  It takes trial and error to get this discipline (not taking the cookie from the cookie jar, or we get a wrist-slap and time out to follow - never doing that again), and it also takes spiritual discipline to refine us daily from our wrong doing.  Most have heard the spill about God loving us so much that He disciplines us, but it's true!  If God did not love us so much and want us to live more like Him, He'd let us roam around doing whatever it is that we would want to do on our own!  And when we ignore His lessons and discipline, when we shove the blame on someone else as to why our lives are not working out the way we had hoped or "the way it should be", when we sit back and let things happen without caring what they're happening for, we ignore God and His awesome wisdom and knowledge becasue we are so much more set in our ways!  There is NOTHING more powerful to have than the wisdom of God and that's a fact.  The hard part is: trying to get it across to someone who feels justified by their ways and only looks to the point of human knowing.
A world without God would feel so empty.

  Humanity.  It's such a fragile thing I have come to remember as so many people are dying around me lately.  I think of tiny birds (even if you think this is a weird way to think of it) that are still waiting for a chance to leave the nest, but there are cats below; when they take flight - or at least try to - they fall into the clutches of the one who tries to rip them apart.  Whether figuratively speaking from the inside, or physically taking that life away, the ripper is the one who wins.  It's so hard to hold onto to our humanity because that is all we are instinctively tought as fragile beings - be safe and rely on your gut.  In the end, your gut will no longer be there and there is no longer anything to lose.  But. When we are weak, or scared, or confused, or unsure of what next move to make that is safest - God is the only One we can truly rely on.  Humans let me down all the time; my family members let me down; my friends let me down; my own fiance lets me down at times.  So why do I put so much stock into trusting something that bend and breaks with the wind? Why do any of us? And as hard as it is to see or understand sometimes, God is the only One who will never bend or break because He is the solid foundation for everything that we do.  He will never let us down, and even when I feel like His answers and provision just aren't coming through, He always remains faithful to me as a Father and will always be there to hold tight to when I begin to fall.  I just need to learn to let go of my humanity in the worldly sense, and strive towards a life of His presence.

Weeping might stay for the night, but
joy comes in the morning.  Psalm 30:5b
  Am I talking over some of your heads? Probably.  And I don't mean to.  But one thing I know when it comes to God is that there are no words good enough in any language to really explain or exclaim the love of God.  No word I could ever find to use or any language can fulfill my need to tell God how amazingly awesome He is.  There is still so much for me to learn, still so much discipline in all aspects that I need to be vulnerable to, and still so much time that I have to learn how to trust God with.  This summer is a summer of joy in the learning, a reason in the struggle, and a hope in the insecure.  I know I still have yet so much to learn, but I know one thing: I know I'm filled to be emptied again; the seed I have received I must sow.  


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