Friday, December 2, 2011

I know we're not in Kansas anymore Toto...

    It's so good to be back at CIU with all of the friends that have become my family.  I feel as though I've only been gone for a week and I'm picking right back up with everyone from where we last ended.  How loving are the Godly women that God has blessed with in friendship.  I enjoy getting to participate in fellowship with my Brothers and Sisters; I need them all so badly to grow and to help grow.
    It's hard to live at home where a relationship with God is only expected, but not encouraged or kept accountable.  It's hard to tell, sometimes, where home is.  I know where I live.  I know whose arms I belong in.  I know who my closest family is.  I know who my real family is.  I am still learning who I am.  But I feel like I miss out on the fact that my home is not here on earth.  This, I take for granted.  The place I should be seeing as home more than anything, are the arms and presence of God who called me to freedom and out of slavery, welcomes me back to his tale when I have been prodigal, and has loved me more unconditionally than any human ever can.
    I see this... but so easily, do I lose sight of it.  WHY?  I feel like I can't help myself from forgetting and allow myself to become distracted by people, and stuff, and junk.  I always love singing and hearing the hymn, Come Thou Fount.  I reflect on how cleansing the Water is that flows from His mercy and love and grace.  I am reminded of how I am truly forgiven for being less than God, less than human at times.  I most relate to the line that states the truth of my existence: "Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love."  Truth.  I claim here and there as the place or people I belong to, I find pride in myself at explaining myself according to earth, I feel like I know enough about anything to share with the world in order to avoid being seen by world standards.  Yet, how lost am I?  I find God in times of emptiness and loneliness, I recognize the familiar comfort and feel overcome with joy and thanksgiving that I want to make myself a fool to the world, a sacrifice to God. But as soon as the comfort gets comfortable, I want to change and unconsciously become distracted by what slowly cripples me: short-lived dreams and determination, selfish decisions, and humans like me.  And again, I lose sight of my home.  That's when I realize I'm not in Kansas anymore.  It's so easy though to get caught back up in the flow of this rushing world!!
    Come Thou Fount reminds me that I am prone to wander, and I know it.  But it reminds me also that I need to give my heart to God so that, no matter where I fall, He's still holding me.  He's holding me until I come to Him completely.



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