{Word of 2013: Brave}

Brave

brāv

    adjective

    1.     ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage.

            synonyms: courageous, valiant, valorous, intrepid, heroic, lionhearted, bold, fearless, gallant, 

            daring, plucky, audacious

            antonyms: cowardly

    verb

    1.     endure or face (unpleasant conditions or behavior) without showing fear.

I was scared at the beginning of this year.  I had a lot of things on my mind.  Friends? Family? School? Classes? Car? Car payments? Rent? The next five years?  I began the spring and fall semesters freshly dumped on by stress and anxiety.  As I pushed along, I remembered the Lord being near me, even when I complained to Him about how suckey I thought life was.  He listened.  I told Him about how alone I felt.  He listened.  I told Him about how bad my back was hurting.  He listened.  I told Him about the classes I didn’t want to take anymore.  He listened.  Nothing really changed until I started asking Him for help after I was done complaining.  That’s when the courage set in.  Half way through this past semester, with all of these complaints on my mind, God heard me ask Him for help amidst my complaining.  He helped me.  God gave me courage to face the rest of the semester in every way.  The one word I have received from God this year is: Brave.  Brave because of God.  With God’s bravery to me, I have also been able to recognize bravery in others.  There were signs of bravery everywhere theis year.

Bravery to begin the last year of high school without old companions, but with new companions, and a good direction.

Bravery to finish strong, his first race!

Bravery in facing physical pain to have physical gain.

Bravery to lead, even when it seems like there is little chance of winning.

Bravery in pushing against the flesh, even when pain is so strong.

Bravery in finishing the hardest semester of Undergrad.

Bravery in facing an intimidating struggle, even when it feels like we've lost a part of the self, we know it's been restored to something even better.

Bravery to go somewhere far away because we know that's what is best for us to grow.

Bravery to fix what is broken, even if it takes a chiropractor, and ice pack, encouraging friends, and constant pain at the beginning; we know that things need to get worse before they can get better.

I don't have any pictures of me at the chiropractor, so this, I thought, would be a good fill-in for the moment ;)

Bravery to love and be married, even though so many asked why we don't just wait.  We knew it was the time, the right time, for us, and so far God has shown us just how providential His timing has been this year.

Brave ones.  That’s the word I kept hearing, and that’s the kind of person I kept seeing: brave.  This year has been a daunting year in more ways than I have mentioned.  Lots of pain, sorrow, triumph, and struggle to be faced and everyone faced bravely.  God is ever present in us, and He gives us our encouragement.  God gave us this word :: brave :: because He is brave for us.  Now let’s use this bravery from last year to face the next one!  What will the word of next year be?

Stay brave, world changers!

Identity Crisis

  In psychology, I have learned about Erik Erikson's Eight Ages of Man.  I am between the ages of 18 and 28 which means I am in the age called "Identity vs. Confusion."  What this means is that if I have had a healthy inner- and outer-development up until this point, I will experience an identity crisis.  If I suppress this identity crisis, or if I have had an unhealthy developmental cycle up until this point, I will experience confusion over who I really am and where I headed and I will not start moving until around the age of 28.  Also, if this identity crisis is suppressed or denied, it will become a mid-life crisis; you have an identity crisis now or  later.  A funny coincidence, my professor explained to our class that you can always tell when a woman is experiencing an identity crisis; she'll change the way her hair looks, change the color try all different styles, week after week.  I kinda shrunk back into my seat as I felt everyone look at me!  It's true!  I have made 4 major changes to my hair in a two month period and everyone has noticed!

  Clearly I am exhibiting signs of an identity crisis.  I have been trying to brush off that notion until today...

A pain I have been feeling for the past year is ultimate loneliness.  I have been feeling a lack of belonging.  I belong to the Lord, I am the wife of my darling husband.  I am friend to so many.  But still I feel alone and I don't know why.  I have had this problem reoccurring throughout my life as I've seen friends of mine become closer to others, still including me, but never as close to me as they are to someone else.  I've always thought about the possibility of me being someone who truly isn't as relatable as she thought.  Maybe I'm not as social as I thought.  I'm not who I thought I was.

I wanna be like you-oo-oo...

  Something that triggered the final full-circle thought was talking with a friend of mine; I've always considered her an extrovert because of how loud and boisterous she is, when in actuality, she is an introvert.  Now, I understand that personality tests do not define who we are, but I regard them as tools to understand the reason I am the way I am.  Maybe not all of it is true, but a lot of times, it helps to have some sort of explanation over the way I am.  Well if 1-50 on a scale is introvert, and 51-100 is extrovert, I've always been at about a 64.  Extroverted, but not very extroverted.  I hate long silences without purpose, I don't talk very much in a crowd, but I feel more comfortable in crowds than I do when I'm by myself.  However, would that mean I'm a bubbly introvert?  Ultimately, yes I understand terms don't define me, but like I said, it helps to know what I am according to people so that they understand me.  And so that I understand me.

  Another thing I've noticed about myself: what exactly do I like? I like everything.  I have a billion different clothing styles I choose from at random; I love a lot of colors, but I like a lot of not-colorful colors; I like more bold styles, and earthy styles, and plain styles, and exotic styles, and overall I am an eclectic person.  I've always wondered why I can be so eclectic, but until now I never really pondered the answer.  Am I so eclectic because I really just don't know what I like?  And I've never acknowledged it?  I don't know what I like... I like a lot of things, but I don't know what best suits me.  I purged my closet last night and got rid of 1/3 of the clothes hanging up.  This doesn't include the clothes I went through from storage and got rid of MOST of it, and the few things I was able to pull from my drawers and give away.  I hold onto things for a few reasons - I grew up with nothing but hand-me-downs and clothes from Goodwill.  Now that I can get a lot of clothes for myself, I hold on to every stitch of clothing that comes through my hands.  On top of that I have ideas of "maybe I'll be able to fit into this again," or "I really like the way this looks, even though it doesn't really flatter me," and other lame excuses.  So I got rid of everything that doesn't fit, that I don't like, and that truly doesn't flatter my shape.  All of it is in bags.  It made me feel better about myself in just that small way.

This isn't my closet, but imagine this times two!  Then
it's my closet.

  Overall, I am going through my identity crisis where I'm learning that I do change, and I have changed.  I'm learning myself all over again since I have changed so much and haven't given it much attention.  I'm not the same person I used to be and I don't entirely know who I am right now.  I know God's purpose for me, and I know my favorite role as wife, but as just Jessica, I don't think I know right now... And that's why I have been feeling so down and lonely.  I don't know what makes me feel better, I don't know how to deal with being on my own in a crowd anymore.

  So I am beginning this new growing process in my life, it's a little embarrassing to share, but I would rather be more realistic than try and fake it being okay.  I know I'm not the only one feeling this way right now, I'm not the first to go through this process and I'm not the last.  I am completely human and I would rather share with the people who supposedly care about me the way I'm feeling right now.  I want you to know how you can pray for me right now.

My Calling

  Before coming to school, I knew I wanted to go into Youth Ministry and work with youth in some way.  I wasn't sure how; maybe in a youth group setting? Maybe in a small group setting? I wasn't sure, I just know I had been called to ministering to youth in some way.

  Since I've been in college, I have been feeling God push and pull me in ways I wasn't expecting.  I am coming to the close of my junior year here and I think God might be on to something ;)  Over the past few years, I have worked with junior high students and college students on a small group level, working through passages of Scripture and working through tough Spiritual questions that are a part of our every day world.  What I have felt in my heart is the pain and loss in these students' lives.  They don't feel they fit in, they try to fit in in the wrong ways, they're confused about who to listen to, they aren't sure if they understand completely what God says will please Him, and they feel left out - even with all of the people who love them.  I know that hurt first hand, especially growing up as the only child in my group of friends who came from a divorced home.  I wish that someone, or even more people, were there for me when I hurt, and not just every few weeks or months.  That's the kind of person I want to try to be, even though I know I'm not super woman.

  Well last semester, I took a few more of my Youth Ministry, Family, and Culture classes (Issues In Contemporary Youth Culture and Communicating to Youth) and I started really realizing statistics of hurting teens in different scenarios that they can't just prevent or avoid.  I learned the statistics of their outcomes, I learned so much about the worries of children who come from abusive homes, and low-income families, and divorced homes, and so many other situations that they have constant fears from.  I decided to have a discussion with the head of the College of Counseling in the Grad Program and we talked about the requirements of entering Grad School in the College of Counseling and what the outline of time would look like for the time I spend in Grad School.  I started feeling that maybe counseling is where I'm headed.  This semester, I'm taking Counseling Youth Families (another Y Min course) and I really feel that my push towards counseling is being affirmed through this class and my Gen. Psychology class this semester.  I'm learning a lot about how "the sins of the fathers will stay with the third and fourth generations" (said 66 times throughout the Old Testament) and how your family system really determines how you react to the world around you.  It is crucial to work with youth who are at the growing stages of their lives where they need affirmation and direction but don't have many places to go.

  Ultimately, I feel called to being a counselor in a Christian setting for families in crisis with a focus on the youth of these families.  I am really enjoying family systems and how God works through the different members of the family to make Himself known and to do His Will.  I think that in the event that I felt called to get my Doctorate's in anything, it would be in Family Systems.  But at the moment, I just want to focus on getting my Master's for counseling.  I can't wait to finish undergrad so that I can get done with my Master's degree as soon as I can; I can start working as a counselor in a Christian setting with families and youth!

  The only thing now is this: will God truly provide for this? It already looks like He's leading me in the right direction, but will He truly provide? I trust Him. Also, my husband has aspirations to go to grad school as well, and later get his PhD in teaching History on the college level.  What will be provided for us for him? Will we both be able to go to Grad school? Is that what we are both called to do? If so, where is he supposed to go? And when would he start? What should we do in between Undergrad and Grad school? When he and/or I finish Grad school, where will my husband go for his PhD? So many questions, and still so many that I haven't named.  PLEASE! Pray for us, first thanking God for everything He has done for us already, and then to ask Him to provide clarity and to provide financially for what we need in the coming years.  Please also pray for all the lives He will be putting in ours to help direct towards Him.  Please pray that He will surely reveal to us His plan for us.

In Christ alone,
Jessica

Who Is a Mentor?

Command and teach these things. Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through prophecy when the body of elders laid their hands on you.

~1 Timothy 4:11-14

  In my time in college ministry over the past two years, I felt called to mentor two young ladies who are, more or less, younger peers of mine.  Both of whom I have had some sort of long-term impact on them.  Before they went off to college and I left for my junior year of college, I met with them each a few times and talked with them one-on-one about life, what to expect at school, how to live out their faith in a public school, among other things.

  One of the girls I mentored had a trouble getting away from her parents who always seemed to conveniently plan meals and other events at the same time as our mentoring meetings... This annoyed me deep inside, but I didn't let it show.  Right before the summer ended, I asked vaguely through a statement, "It seems coincidence that there's always something going on when we try to meet," to which she responded, "Yeah... my parents don't think it's right for you to be my mentor... They think mentors are older people in the church who have been in the church for a while."  I was appalled, but at the same time not surprised.  I asked her, "Well have they asked anyone to mentor you who is older? Or have they encouraged you to find someone? Or has anyone asked if they could mentor you?" Knowing the answer, she just said, "Well no..."  I know she wasn't the one who had the problem, it was her parents.  I wasn't mad at her at all, I wasn't even mad at her parents.  Instead, I have consistently prayed for God to soften their hearts. 

  Mentoring is to be done by older Christians.  This is the old-church response to our generation.  While yes I agree that older folks in the church (actually, older in their faith, not necessarily the church) should mentor the younger people.  I whole-heartedly agree with this.  However, if this isn't happening, who is to step out and do it? ??  In today's generation (by the way, I am today's generation so I am speaking from experience...) you can't just expect us to take everything from church and keep it in our hearts and that be it.  We are the information age, and therefore we need the faith we hear about to come alive.  If the only way to do that is through teen mentoring, who's going to shoot it down?

  I am a Youth Ministry major and I have been attending a Bible college for three years now.  We are taught the survey of historical evidence in both Old and New Testament, we are taught the hermeneutical approach to the Scriptures (which most "Christians" don't even know what that means), we are made to take Book Studies, which means we spend a semester at a time going over a few particular books in the Bible intensely, we have chapel every day of the week, we set aside days during the semester to cancel classes and spend them instead in prayer, we are made to take classes on in-depth theology and philosophy that tests our faith, broadens our understanding of the world and world religions, and we are made to provide our service of ministry in a Christian setting to get practice in the field.  As far as the community goes, I have never been in one like it. Before coming here, I had never truly known what it meant to walk and live like Christ.  It blew my mind to come to a place where the presence of God is everywhere and you don't even need to be around people to feel Him.  We are a close family community that centers EVERY DAY around Christ's mission for us in the world, and it is so encouraging.  I wish this kind of Christ filled environment could be everywhere in the world.  

  Given that, I will also say that I have been a growing Christian for almost 7 years.  

What's my point to all of this?  I am just as prepared for mentoring ministry as a 50-year-old who has a faith as strong as I do.  Just because I am young does not mean that I am less capable to mentor than someone who is older than me.  There are plenty of older "Christians" who go to church, own a Bible, and pray before meals who don't know a lick about the faith they claim.  This is an extreme judgment of the old-church crowd.  

  So how did this all come up in a blog tonight?  I have been reading a book for one of my youth ministry classes (Evangelizing and Discipling Youth) and I have come to part in the book where it mentions the Biblical calling for mentors.  There are three kinds of mentors referenced with difference Scriptural references given, I will produce the section that got me:

1. Mentors for Individual Teens
1. A mentor should be a Spiritual leader (2 Timothy 2:2)
2. A mentor should be a mature adult who has been influential to the child (now a teen) for several years (2 Timothy 3:14-15)
3. A mentor should be a mature individual teen "peer" leader who lives righteously and uses his or her gift (2 Timothy 4:11-14)

(*Book: Tag-Team Youth Ministry: 50 Ways to Involve Parents and Other Caring Adults by Ron Habermas and David Olshine; excerpt found on page 23)

(David Olshine is my professor)

After reading this, it sparked the memory of feeling undermined by this girl's parents just because I am young.  If you notice the passage of Scripture I began this post with, the last part says, "Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through the prophecy when the body of elders laid their hands on you."  What is my gift? Counseling, mentoring, one-on-one encouraging Spiritual growth. Elders of the church laid hands on me to ask God's blessing on the gift given me to minister to youth and college students.  Because of this, I took seriously my calling to minister to individuals in the group including this girl, as well as others. The thing about mentoring is this:

We need each other to grow, young and old.

If someone is willing and ready to help cultivate a strong faith in your child, and they are a trusted Spiritual member of the community, AND it is their gift and calling, it should not matter a lick what age they are.  I was never mentored until I came out of high school, and it was a requirement to be mentored by my high school youth pastor in order to be the college minister.  No one took me aside to mentor me one-on-one, and I didn't know anyone who was willing and available to do so.

The church needs to stop living in the old way of doing church because I can speak from experience that they're losing my generation quicker than they think.  It's approaches like the ones I have experienced that have really turned me off to the church or hope of it ever changing.

  So who is a mentor?  A spiritual leader who play an active and influential role in the lives of teens, who also takes time to express an interest in helping the teens they influence grow in their faith. THAT is a member.  NOT an older member of the church.  NOT a younger member of the church.  NOT a man or a woman.  They are a person who follows Christ daily and encourages others to do the same.  Fo those of you who need the same encouragement that I did:

Command and teach these things. Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through prophecy when the body of elders laid their hands on you.

1 Timothy 4:11-14

It's My 21st Birthday!

  Well I'm officially 21! Legal drinking age, I'm married, I have the blessing of a wonderful job and a healthy young family, I have all the necessities, everything I need and a little bit of what I want.  Everything is well with me and my soul.

We're getting ready for my birthday dinner!  And he's
being an absolute goof ball!

  Over the past year, I have grown a lot in the way that I see things.  I have learned the importance of my family and how much I truly love and appreciate them and where we came from.  I have grown closer to each member of my immediate family and I have also added a member to make our own family unit.

  I have learned how to communicate more effectively to people, but also how to really come to the same level of understanding my peers who feel the same hurt I do.  I have watched God move in and work through me to bring others into His comfort and give me peace in the process.

  I have truly learned even greater what it means to trust the Lord.  I have sought Him for provision and had faith that He would be faithful.  Sure enough, He provided - everything I needed and more and He continues to bless me with His overwhelming grace and mercy.

  I have received, yet again, a more specified version of my calling.  Since I have come to college, I know I wanted to serve in the mission field and work with youth.  Over the past few years, the place of mission work has been whispered to me, and the age group I will be working with has been revealed through the strengths God has blessed me with.  Now, the area of youth ministry I am called to is even more specific: counseling youth (and at-risk youth) and their families of crisis.  I have had such a growing heart of passion towards teens and young adults who need the wisdom of God to enter their life and encourage them towards the One who is the Great Physician, the Healer who has love like an ocean, and we are merely trees being caught in the welling flood of His grace.

  I have gotten married in the past year, acquired and started running a new household, gone out on my own and have been trusting God the whole way.

  I have had the best school grades since I was a sophomore in high school, and my age-old lack of self-confidence has grown - ever so slightly - over the past few months.  Even a little bit of growth is a good amount of growth.

  I have wonderful friends whom I love to surround and surround myself with.  I have forgiven even still more people from my past, and I am continuing to learn how to forgive.

  I have acquired skills from God-could-only-have-provided-this jobs in the past year and I have been able to apply these skills to all areas of my life.

  I have learned so much, done so much, grown so much, given so much, loved so much, helped so much, stayed patient so much, learned so much in the past year of my life and I am so thankful for the witness and testimony He has given me through the life He wants me to lead.  Life is still hard, I still mess up and make mistakes, I make decisions that I think are good and may not be in the end, I learn from these things, and I allow God to continue molding me into the person He needs me to be to bring Him glory.  I am the Clay and He is the Potter, and I am thrilled to see all He has in store for me this year.

  Please pray for me to face this next year of my life with a heart of open willingness to grow, with a heart softened to learn from other and grow in the Lord's Wisdom, that I have a mind open to what the Lord has to teach me and that I will trust God even more in the hard times.  Pray that I will always give credit where credit is due, learn from my experiences, good and bad.  Pray that I will never lose sight of who I am and where I came from, that the person I have become will be a witness to the people God intends for me to seek.  Pray that, as I lead my household as the wife, I would be a wise and God-fearing wife, making the best decisions I can for my family, and a good support to my husband.  Pray that I will continue growing in the ways that I have been and that the legacy I leave is not one that is shameful and shady but one that points to God and gives Him glory and honor.  Thanks for being with me and walking through life with me, and I pray that I can be an encouragement to all who know me.

In Christ Alone,
Jessica

The Brightest Lights (Name Change)

Hello everyone!

  As many of you know who read my blogs and have been reading them for the past year and a half, I love blogging!  It is one of my favorite past-times!  Whether I am actually typing one up to publish the next day or whether I am catching up on some reading of blogs that I follow, Blogger is something that is always up on my screen.

  I have been very cautious and particular about how often I blog and how often I am on blogger.  While it's on my computer screen most days of the week, I limit myself to writing no more than 3 posts a week, and maybe an extra one for my Craft Room blog.  Maybe that sounds like a lot to some of you, but there was a time (last summer) when I would write two or three entries a day, every day, for a few weeks... And I realized I needed to cool it down a bit.  So I did.  Now I have limitations on how often I blog and so on :)

The brightest lights cast the darkest shadows.... (Taken by yours truly!)

  Well looking at the title, I will explain.  Lately, I have been listening to a lot of new undiscovered music (per usual) and one of my favorite songs at the moment is called "Brightest Lights" by King Charles (feat. Mumford & Sons).  The entry line to the song, and overall the chorus, says, "The brightest lights cast the darkest shadows and that's where I'll be found..." and other words to follow.  Well.  Regardless of whatever the song is truly about (I don't think I've really been closely paying attention to what I've been singing - nothing bad - but you know how sometimes you learn the words to a song mindlessly just because you hear it a lot and then sudden;y one day you realize what exactly the song is talking about?) I have really been thinking about just that one line in a lot of different ways.  Not because it has been comin' out my stereo system, but because the vision I get has been resounding throughout my mind the past few days.

  When I started this blog, I called it "Fly From the Highest Swing" also named after a song called "Dream" by Priscilla Ahn.  The reason I chose it as the title is because of the song itself.  The song recounts the innocence of a little girl who has dreams of many things and at one point she says, "I had a dream that I could fly from the highest swing, I had a dream!"  And later, changing the words a bit, she says, "I had a dream that I could fly from the highest tree, I had a dream!"  And the whole idea behind it is that she had such a powerful imagination that she dreamed of flying from the swing - if only she could get high enough!  Same thing for the rest of the song, she had a blossoming imagination that ultimately, in the end of the song, helps her look back on her life to say, "I've lived it full and I've lived it well, as many tales I've lived to tell I'm ready now to fly from the highest swing... I had a dream."  Such power and dolce.  And that same kind of sweet and powerful, overwhelming innocence that couldn't hold back her inner-most being was the same kind of feeling I wish I could have felt more often as a child.  So I figured that, by writing to my heart's content about whatever I so choose, I could feel that invigorating feeling of swinging so high that if I could get just high enough... I could fly from it.  I wanted to feel that I was able to release that energy into writing, and sharing it with the world.

  While this is still the reflection I want to have with my blog, blogging thoughts and opinions, interests and hobbies, I have grown a lot through my writing and I have come to a place where I feel a name change can be representative of what change I feel has been made.

  The Brightest Lights is the name I am choosing to change my blog title to.  It's feels to me just as free as Fly From the Highest Swing, but instead speaks from the growing part of me.  While Fly From the Highest Swing meant to me the innocence within getting out and feeling release, that little Jessica has grown up a little in the past year and a half and now she's thinking more along the lines of using the same inspiration she's been having to make an impact.  If that makes sense.  Although shadows are not permanent, everyone sees where the shadows lie.  Although not permanent, everyone can see where there are bright lights.  And according to my calling, if I'm to be a Light in a Dark place, then I feel that the name suits :)

  Not that it's an entirely big deal to anyone, but that everyone can know where my writing heart is at the moment and also understand that they are really reading the same blog as before.

In Christ Alone,
Jessica

Prayer In a Coffeeshop

  As of today, I have learned that I will not be receiving as much financial aid for school next year as I was promised over the past year.  It really upset me in the fact that money is the only way to get around this menial world.  If it weren't for money, we wouldn't have to worry about things like "affordable" and "debt" and there would be so much less stress on everyone as a whole.  We would have no more worry for "poor people" or third-class, there would be no more homeless, there would probably be a spike in murder and theft, but that's a cultural change, not a government change.

  Walking up to the Rooster, I felt the presence of God around me; it was like I was in a bubble looking at the world that frolics after degrading things that please man's eye.  Even now as I sit here and type in the coffee shop, I feel like everyone sitting in front of me does not realize how hopeless they are - surrounding themselves with good and rich things that are clean and hard to get.  I am not bashing on them morally, but as far as materials go, I feel that we are all the same to some extent.  Everywhere, though, it's like there's something missing and people are just oblivious...  But I can feel God right hear, surrounding everyone while they talk and eat and laugh and drink, and it's like He's sitting beside us like an old friend, but no one is paying attention...

  I asked a few of my strongest prayer warriors to pray for me today in means of needing provision and discernment for the direction I am to be going.  I will be going back to school in the Fall, by the grace of God.  I will be getting married in January.  Because of this, I will be an independent and a new rent fee will come casually into my life.  I am called to Sweden.  Frank and I are working towards a short-term missions trip to Sweden to start us out on our service in missions.

  When I talked to Frank this morning about the surface of everything going thrugh my head, he told me how he felt after his time with the Lord this morning.  Maybe this is a way God is telling us that things aren't going to go as we had originally expected.  He provided for us different opportunities to meet each other, as well as provide some experience in education and learning more about Him.  So we took for granted that this is the complete direction that we will be going in - started college, so we'll probably finish college.  That's where we become human again: things flow naturally in our world, either one way or another.  Each way life flows, we expect there to be a follow-siut.  With God, He may take the beginning of a flow and redirect it, like train tracks, and give a 'mismatched' ending to our path.  You will be accused by everyone around you of doing life 'wrong' or by making 'not-wise decisions.'  It may not always make sense.
  Maybe what we are called to is this: get a Bible certificate out of our Bible degree this year, get married, then go out into the mission field - go to Sweden.  Work at odd jobs because He will provide and take care of us.  But an encouraging word Frank said this morning was something like this: "I read an article from one of the missionaries in Sweden; he said that more missioinaries are making their way to Sweden recently (because there used to not be that many missionaries there).  At first I thought, 'great, now everone's going there and we were going to go there...' but then I realized, 'God is orchestrating this... Sweden needs Him there, and He is preparing and sending...' and I feel that maybe God is saying that we have learned enough, we need to get our Bible certificates, get married, and head to Sweden..."  And that is when the presence of God really hit me.

  I looked up, and then looked at my hands, and I told God that I trust Him.  My hope for His provision and guidance is there, and I know that He has always been faithful. 

  On my way to the Rooster, I remembered that a Sister worked at the coffeeshop and I prayed that she would be there today.  Something I am so thankful to God for is the fact that He is in so many of my friends - He uses you all in ways that you will never know, I promise.  And I felt God saying that I should talk to her, and maybe ask her to pray for me.  I wasn't sure that she'd even be there, but I said okay.  Sure enough, the first person I actually see behind the counter is my friend.  It was really busy - they had a lot of good business in the eatery, and people were sitting everywhere.  I still felt God.  So I asked my dear friend if she could pray over me... And God was still there.  Even in the rush and busy-ness of that crowded eatery, God was still there.  And it was amazing...  Now is the wait, the quiet before the storm - that is how my life feels right now.  And I was reminded by that prayer in a coffee shop that God is above all, above everything that could stand in my way.  If He has a plan for His kingdom and it is through me, then He will move mountains to make it happens.  I was reminded that He is orchestrating my life, and He installs His teachings through many ways, and introduces me to people whom He has built for me (and others) to rely on.  And in doing so, I am relying on Him.

©2011



Quality Time Lover

  If you've ever heard of the Five Love Languages based off of a book written by Gary Chapman, then you understand already that there are differences in the ways people naturally approach the way they show affection.

  If you aren't very clear on what I'm talking about, let me explain: the five 'love languages' are Words of Affirmation (depending and relying on words to say every emotion you need to get out to someone and also expecting words to be what validates you in other's eyes); Quality Time (the way you show love to your friends and others is through spending a good time with them and be actively involved in what they have going on while also hoping people would want to spend good time with you because they care about what goes on with you too); Gifts (you know just what to get for someone that you know will make them smile and you love receiving gifts because it helps you understand that people pay so much attention to you, they just know you would love what they give you); Acts of Service (you think that showing people you would do anything for them means that they understand how important they are to you and how much you value them, while people wanting to serve you in whatever way they can means the same in return - all of this without expectation); and Physical Touch (you love letting people know you want to comfort them with hugs and putting your arm around them, and whatnot. It shows a level of comfort you have with that person in order to make them feel better, and when you need love from a friend, you just want a bunch of hugs and high fives).

  Now that everyone is clear on each of them, I'll explain that with each love language, people yearn to be reciprocated, meaning that if I show you love [this way] I would appreciate it if you could let me know that you love me in that same way.  In other words, lets say I'm a gift giver and my best friend is a words of affirmation; if I tell my best friend, "Good job on the personal project you've been working on!  It looks so good, and I can tell you really poured yourself into it!  You are so good at what you do!"  I can pour into her/him and show affection to them through their love language, because I understand that's how they feel worthy.  Afterwords, being a gift giver, I take him/her out to their favorite restaurant and but them whatever they like - this is me giving my best friend the thing he or she loves the most through my love language.  My reciprocated hope is that if I was to ever put myself to work on something I really wanted to accomplish, I would love to be shown affection in my love language - maybe recieving a gift, or someone making a prize for me, or taking me out to my favorite restaurant.  You see, love languages are hard to master - there's so much to think about!  You need to consider what every person finds self-worth from, find ideas that they would love if you wanted to show them you care, and remember to show them affection through your own love language as well - lots to keep up with.  But you will be stellar surprised at how happy you can make someone by showing them they are special to you through their love language.

  So why am I telling you all of this?  Well.. this week I've felt a little alone... :( people have talked to me, yes, people have met me for lunch, yes.  But the people I spend most of my life around seem to have so many other personal plans in their lives that I feel like I'm simply there because I always have been.  I have never been one to be the center of attnetion - don't get me wrong, I'd rather not be at the center.  But sometimes, I feel like I pour all of my energy into making others feel good about themselves, and I hardly get the recriprocated affection.  My love language is quality time.  I love getting to know people more and more and more and letting them know how interested I really am in what they have going on.  This language of mine has helped me to mentor people, do some degree of counseling to friends and family who just need someone to talk to.  I have a great time planning events and Bible studies where I get to spend good time with people and learn about where they came from and what God's doing in their life... But I always feel like I  am the one who sets times and dates up for me to meet with people, or even spend time with those closest to me, because no one else really does that sort of thing.  I feel that it's only me who cares about  staying in touch with people, and spending quality time with the ones I love, but I don't feel sometimes like I get that same care back - very few attempt to spend time with me unless I prompt them to hang out or doing something fun.  It's so hard to deal with that sometimes...

  Don't get me wrong - I understnad that the way everyone shows affection is different from the way I do it.  But my thing is this: I figure out the things they love and make sure to show others through their love launguage how much they mean to me, but it's like no one really notices that I want that same affection back through my own love language for a change.  Maybe I'm just rambling... Maybe you can point out how I'm being unreasonable and whatnot, and maybe you can point out all that has  been done for me.  I'm not overlooking any of that, and appreciate it all very much!  But everyone understands what it's like for negative feelings to build up over time.  It's so much easier to look at how bad you can feel and not look so much at the things that can go right :) But for me, lately, I feel like little things have been building and building and building, and not as much effort has been put out by many people to balance out my feelings.  Everyone close in my life seems to have so many other things on their agenda that they would rather do than meet me at my point of longing...

  I don't know, just rambling... But anyways, I don't really know what you can actually learn this time, other than how to truly love someone (and I'm not talking about sex.) with them in mind.  Overall, I just wanted to waste this space on me complaining more than anything, sorry guys...

©2011



My Relationship - Genesis 1:1-3

  "In the beginning, God..."
Genesis 1:1a

  What?  God, what?  Only recently have I remember my beginning with God.  I don't know if I would call it unfortunate, though some people believe their beginning with God was at the moment of birth; naturally this might be true, however, some people who claim this don't live the life God has called them to.  Of course, this might not make sense to those people.  The beginning with God is when God ceases hovering over that which is empty, and then becomes a part of it. 
 
  "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.  Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters." 
Genesis 1:1-2

  The earth is us.  We began as formless creatures, empty human beings, made less than God so that we can never be God.  Our features embody the world, rather than a life of righteousness and Godliness, thus we are filled to the deepest corner with darkness.  We begin life this way; as infants we naturally know how to sin; we naturally know how to disobey; we naturally thirst for independence and further meaning.  Daily, our deep darkness grows deeper even still as we hear the Word of the Lord God and the pleasures He has brought into the world so we can be with Him - out of the darkness.  Hearing.  That is where it ends for most of us.  Understanding.  That is where it ends for some of us.  Accepting.  Even fewer end here.  Growing.  Yet fewer continue here.  The more we hear and understand, the darker we become.  Accepting Him is one thing, but growing in Him is what we are called to.  A true relationship with the Lord through Christ has been explained to me in this way:

  I enjoy Johnny Depp movies.  I know of many quirks Depp has in his films and each langual tweek he makes in his trained accents.  I know what he looks like, and even the people he has associated with.  I can tell you almost every character he has portrayed, and recite to you lines from my favorite Depp catchphrases.  I know a lot about Johnny Depp, or at least more than most people.  But.  I have never met him.  I have never spent any measure of time with him.  I have not developed a relationship with him.  I have never sought him out in pursuit of a friendship.  I have never been invited to have dinner with him; he doesn't know I exist, nonetheless, know my name.  He does not care if I'm here or not, and I will never have a close and personal relationship with him.  I have a friend whose aunt has a friend who knows him, but I don't know those people, and I therefore, still do not know the man himself.

  And this is how many of us are with God.  We know of God; we know He created everything; we know the Bible and might have even read it; we go to church and hear more about Him; we know how we are told to live based on what He has told us; we have been told how to love Him - so this we all understand.  We even know about Jesus, who is the only and direct connection to God himself (John 14:6) but we only know OF him as well.  We don't know God.  We haven't taken time to seek Him out.  God wants us to know Him, He knows we exist and He cares for us. We think that owning a Bible and going to church is good enough to be considered worthy of His presence, and yet most of us don't even truly know what His presence FEELS like!  We assume we do because we were baptised at birth, or because we were confirmed in the church when we were 12, or because we have never missed a Sunday worship, and the excuses go on and on...

  God created us formless and empty,with a natural desire to know Him.  He wants to have a relationship with us!  This, so that we would seek Him out in our darkness and ask Him to stop hovering over us, but rather fill us!  He didn't create us to live for a paper god, or to fill our void with materialized dreams and riches.  He did not design us to thirst for mediocracy in His eyes so that we might be praised by those who walk the earth.  God can care less about the six digit figure you make each year, and all the shiny toys you have - He gave you the opportunities to get those things!  And how have you been a good steward of it?  Complained about tithing; given very little BACK to those who need it; not thanked Him for it all.  But are you satisfied?  Or do you crave for more yet? If yes, no matter how vague you believe it to be, God has not filled you - you have filled yourself.  God isn't impressed with suits and ties; He is not impressed with your salary, or the car you drive; God is not impressed with all your good deeds, either.  To be pure, is to live according to original design, and none of these things are what you were designed for.  Things of this world were designed for us, by us; but we were not designed for them.  We were designed to live as children of God; living in a right relationship with our Creator.

  In the beginning, God hovered over the darkness of the earth until the earth could bare to be dark no longer - that is when the Spirit of God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.  His light entered my formless way of living when I first realized what it meant to live BECAUSE of Christ and not FOR him.  Christ didn't die so we can live FOR him - he's already living, himself.  This, for me, only happened nearly six years ago - I'm 20 years old.  A relationship with Him does not start at birth - only the introduction of who He is and His world around us.  A relationship with God starts when we ask for the bignning to be filled with light and His presence.  Christ died so that we can live as children of God; He bridged the gap between God and sinner and reconciled the relationship that we lost at the Fall.  God doesn't want our shallow riches and pleas for more; He doesn't want to hear His name being used in honor of yourself, rather than for His glory; He wants to fill you with His light, and He wants you to ask Him for a beginning.  Sure, life has already started at the moment of conception, but life in Him starts when you ask Him to fill your darkness so that everything in your reflests His love and brings HIM glory.

©2011